Did you every feel alone... I mean really, truely alone? Like you could disappear and no one would even notice kind of alone? In a crowded room and feel alone?
I feel that way more days than not.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Feeling a bit better
Guess I had a few good cries yesterday and I feel a little better today. Still so sad and surreal to think that Brittany will no longer be at 'home' when I go to visit my brother. Maybe I'm glad I never had kids and I'm not having to experience this with my own children, if its this hard to deal with regarding my niece...for you parents out there... how did you or how do you handle when your kids leave the nest for college or marriage?
Thought a lot about Mike yesterday too. So much to say and no way to say it now. I think he would be happy that I'm finally at a point to handle what will be some tough times emotionally in therapy. I only wish I had gotten to this point when he and I were still married. I can't ever know if it would have saved our marriage but maybe it would have made me feel better for having tried a little harder.
I'd like to think my crying is at an end but I have an appointment with Rich tonight and I'm sure both Brittany and Mike will be a topic of discussion.
Thought a lot about Mike yesterday too. So much to say and no way to say it now. I think he would be happy that I'm finally at a point to handle what will be some tough times emotionally in therapy. I only wish I had gotten to this point when he and I were still married. I can't ever know if it would have saved our marriage but maybe it would have made me feel better for having tried a little harder.
I'd like to think my crying is at an end but I have an appointment with Rich tonight and I'm sure both Brittany and Mike will be a topic of discussion.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Happy events made sad
I can't imagine how my brother is feeling today because I am so so sad today...
Yesterday my beautiful niece, who I didn't think could possibly be any more beautiful than she already is, till I saw her in her wedding gown, got married yesterday. I expected tears when I saw her in the nursery as she waited for the ceremony to begin, I expected tears when I saw her escorted down the aisle by my brother, who looked VERY handsome in his tux! What I didn't expect was to find myself still in tears today.
I cried when we got home last night, I'm crying now.. Tomorrow (Monday) they move to Goldsboro NC and its just stuck me hard that when I go visit my brother, my niece won't be there. I've been to visit my brother before and stay weekends and from time to time Brittany isn't there, she is out with girlfriends, or in Fort Wayne visiting her mom... but now when I go there and she won't be there it will be different... and if I'm sad about it... I can't even begin to imagine how my brother is feeling today.
Her new husband is in the military, stationed in NC, and because he only gets so much time to come home, they are choosing to not have a honeymoon so that they can come home for Christmas.
Add to the saddness I'm feeling today is that tomorrow will be one year since Michael passed away... So maybe I'm just meant to have a weepy day today.
Some pictures to follow... my camera kinda sucks and its hard to get good shots but I did get a few pictures... the professional photos will be available in the next week.
Yesterday my beautiful niece, who I didn't think could possibly be any more beautiful than she already is, till I saw her in her wedding gown, got married yesterday. I expected tears when I saw her in the nursery as she waited for the ceremony to begin, I expected tears when I saw her escorted down the aisle by my brother, who looked VERY handsome in his tux! What I didn't expect was to find myself still in tears today.
I cried when we got home last night, I'm crying now.. Tomorrow (Monday) they move to Goldsboro NC and its just stuck me hard that when I go visit my brother, my niece won't be there. I've been to visit my brother before and stay weekends and from time to time Brittany isn't there, she is out with girlfriends, or in Fort Wayne visiting her mom... but now when I go there and she won't be there it will be different... and if I'm sad about it... I can't even begin to imagine how my brother is feeling today.
Her new husband is in the military, stationed in NC, and because he only gets so much time to come home, they are choosing to not have a honeymoon so that they can come home for Christmas.
Add to the saddness I'm feeling today is that tomorrow will be one year since Michael passed away... So maybe I'm just meant to have a weepy day today.
Some pictures to follow... my camera kinda sucks and its hard to get good shots but I did get a few pictures... the professional photos will be available in the next week.
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