today I attended the most awesome seminar... its called The Road to "I DO" its for married, engaged couples, singles... if you get a chance to hear Bob and Cheryl Moeller speak PLEASE don't pass it up... I laughed, I cried, and I heard such great information about marriage that has let me know that Matt is God's chosen one for me... As God brought Eve to Adam... God has brought Matt to me... or I should say me to Matt... I now do know why... my choice for moving was TO Florida... it was really God's plan His way of getting me to Matthew.....
I only wish Matt was here to have heard this but alas I am in IL till Sept and he is in Florida... I literally have pages of notes... I think these two could video this seminar and sell the DVD's cause I'd buy it... this is great information that anyone thinking about marriage can use, or even if your single.. or even already married and need to turn things around..
The have a ministry, For Better, For Worse, For Keeps... and I have put a link to Cheryl's blog... please please please... do yourself a favor... find when/where their next Road to I DO is and GO!!!!!
I can tell you if I had heard 1/2 of this... 1/10 of this prior to marriage before... I would not have gotten married and then subsequently divorced.... I was not ready and he was not right and truth is I was not right for him... People just go, listen and you will KNOW what I'm speaking about...
http://momlaughs.blogspot.com/
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I have been changed for GOOD!
this is by far one of the BEST songs I have ever heard... it is something I have said and believed all my life... that people do come into our lives for a reason....and I am thankful for every single person that has come to my life, those that have served a purpose and we've moved on, those that have stayed and continue to stay, even when, at times I seem to push them away....
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU... I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Statistically Speaking...
From the National Center for Health Statistics:
Of the 4,058,814 babies born in the United States in 2000,
452,057 were to women 35 to 39
90,013 to women 40 to 44
4,349 to women 45 to 49
255 to women 50 to 54.
Previous generations saw even higher birthrates for older moms -- for instance in 1960 the birthrate for women 40 to 44 was more than twice the current rate.
These days more first babies are being born to older mothers, with women over age 30 accounting for 24 percent of all first-time mothers in 2000. More twins and triplets are being born to older mothers, with multiple birthrates rising steadily for women over 40 and 45. In 2000, 40 percent of all births to women 50 and older were twins or triplets.
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the oldest spontaneous pregnancy in modern times occurred in a woman who delivered when she was aged 57 years, 120 days.
Bottom Line: It's the Lord Who opens and closes the womb and if He wants to bless you with a baby, He can do it REGARDLESS of your age! Just remember Sarah.
** from shelaughed.com **
Of the 4,058,814 babies born in the United States in 2000,
452,057 were to women 35 to 39
90,013 to women 40 to 44
4,349 to women 45 to 49
255 to women 50 to 54.
Previous generations saw even higher birthrates for older moms -- for instance in 1960 the birthrate for women 40 to 44 was more than twice the current rate.
These days more first babies are being born to older mothers, with women over age 30 accounting for 24 percent of all first-time mothers in 2000. More twins and triplets are being born to older mothers, with multiple birthrates rising steadily for women over 40 and 45. In 2000, 40 percent of all births to women 50 and older were twins or triplets.
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the oldest spontaneous pregnancy in modern times occurred in a woman who delivered when she was aged 57 years, 120 days.
Bottom Line: It's the Lord Who opens and closes the womb and if He wants to bless you with a baby, He can do it REGARDLESS of your age! Just remember Sarah.
** from shelaughed.com **
Quote of the Day
If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different....I'd rather be completely fucking mental.
Sick and Tired and ready to be done....
my heart is really no longer in this fucking contest prep.... right now I am ready to just toss in the towel and walk away and not look back... not been feeling well, tired, run down, out of sorts, UTI I have been fighting... I am just sick and tired of it all.
Yet somehow I don't have the courage to NOT do it... why because I worry to fucking much about others... worry to much about the ones that have purchased plane tickets to show up, or perhaps tickets to the show already - why can't I just say screw this and do what I need to do for me....
I am happy with my physique right now, maybe THAT is some of my issue... maybe I needed this competition looming in the horizon to get me back to this point and now... well now that I am here... I just don't feel what I need to feel to PUSH any farther...
Yet somehow I don't have the courage to NOT do it... why because I worry to fucking much about others... worry to much about the ones that have purchased plane tickets to show up, or perhaps tickets to the show already - why can't I just say screw this and do what I need to do for me....
I am happy with my physique right now, maybe THAT is some of my issue... maybe I needed this competition looming in the horizon to get me back to this point and now... well now that I am here... I just don't feel what I need to feel to PUSH any farther...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This is God speaking... are you listening???
so today... I go for the good ole yearly ob/gyn appt... I'm all excited told her a couple weeks ago when I made the appt I needed a few extra moments to chat... see... I want to start a family with Matt, well WE want to start a family together.... expand our soon to be family I should say because we already have Trevor and I will love him like he was mine... heck I love him now...
well my dr's attitude about getting pregnant at almost 44 (will be 44 by the time we marry and get started) was less than stellar.... I mean she REALLY sucked the life out of me momentarily with her well at your age you will have a hard time conceiving and we should send you to a fertility specialist if your serious about this...dunno just NOT the conversation I expected from a female ob/gyn... I am one hell of a FIT and healthy almost 44 yr old woman... women are having babies later in life all the time.. so WTF is her problem...
I really left there with tears welling up, I want this for us... sent a text to Matt and his response confirms why I love this man so much...
don't cry babygirl you just prepare yourself to get pregnant and watch God work, don't let your faith be shaken by anyone! God's blessings are far from done....
I think his words of comfort made me cry more but a different kind of tear... He truly is amazing... so I get back to work and start searching for blogs on late life pregnancy... might as well have as much information at my disposale as I can...
found a great website shelaughs.com about that very subject and I knew without a doubt I was directed there by God's tap on my shoulder... not only is this a woman who encourages and supports late life pregnancy... she is a Christian woman... and the front page of her website talks about how God blessed Sarah (she was 90) and Abraham (he was 100) with a child...
then I get home from my appt with Rich today... and in my in box is my Friday (yeah a day early) growth trac devotional (yes I have tons of stuff, motivational, spiritual and otherwise sent to me daily and have for a while) and it talks about God's timing... I've copied and pasted it below.... yeah don't tell me God isn't whispering to me... wait... no... He is hardly whispering.... this is pretty damn loud and clear and do YOU think its coincidence this came today... a day early???? yeah... me neither!
Friday's Encouragement for Today for Kim
Encouragement for Today
"Lady in Waiting"
by Rebecca Ingram Powell, Author, Certified Speaker,
Director of 2004 Writer’s Track
Certified Speaker
Key Verse: “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength. They will mount up with wings
like eagles; they will run and not get tired; they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31
Lately my family and I have been doing some traveling to promote my book, Baby Boot Camp. One of the best parts of our trips has been getting to see the inner workings of television studios. These are exciting places to be, filled with interesting, energetic people who are constantly on the go. In that dynamic environment however, there is a calming oasis for guests called the green room.
You may have heard a talk show host refer to the green room. It’s simply a waiting room (I haven’t seen one yet that is actually green.) The green room is where you stay until it’s your turn. It’s not like a dressing room, where you would prepare for your segment. No, in the green room you are expected to be ready: nose powdered, hair sprayed, shoes tied!
Not long ago, we arrived early for an interview, and the producer offered to give my family a tour of the studio. As we stepped onto the set of the program, the crew was just beginning to arrive and get the lights turned on. I was ready for the interview, but no one else was. There were no cameramen; there was no host; there were no microphones. After the tour, we were kindly ushered back to the green room. Even though we were ready, it wasn’t time.
God’s timing is often difficult to understand. I believe that’s because we don’t see the big picture like He does. Often we think we are ready for something, but He knows we’re not. Whether we’re setting our sights on a new baby or a new job, we are hindered by our human view of the past and the present. Our limited knowledge results from a restricted perspective. We know what we’ve seen, and we know where we’ve been, but we don’t know what the Lord wants to take us.
When I toured the studio, I could have hopped up on that deserted set, plopped myself down on the couch, and told all about “Baby Boot Camp.” But my voice would have gone no farther than the four walls of that large room. I was ready! But it wasn’t time.
Jesus Christ often told His disciples, “It’s not my time.” The disciples were eager for Jesus to build His kingdom. Jesus had to constantly remind them of the crucial factor of time. Timing is so important. We discount that fact largely because waiting is a lost art. But our Lord knew how to wait. It is the essence of self-control, the power within that takes command over the flesh. Our Lord lived it.
A twelve-year-old Jesus surrendered to the authority of earthly parents.
The carpenter’s son worked with His hands like everybody else.
The accused Son of God stood before Herod without saying a word in His own defense.
The open hands of a 33-year-old man willingly accepted Calvary’s cruel spikes.
Jesus had the advantage of a heavenly perspective, of course. He saw the big picture and knew that His death would offer eternal life to everyone. For us, from our limited perspective, waiting is a life exercise that strengthens our faith muscles.
The green room isn’t so bad. In my case, I had a chance to rest from a long drive. I had time to meet new friends who were also waiting in the green room. Most important, I had some extra time to pray. Because I waited my turn, my voice went beyond the four walls of the studio and was broadcast into three states! I may not always have a heavenly perspective, but I know the One who does. I can trust Him while I wait.
My prayer for today: Dear Father, Sometimes I think You’ve forgotten me. I feel like I’m sitting in
Your green room, waiting for my name to be called. I’m ready! I really think I’m ready! But I confess
that in my eagerness, I’m not trusting You to know what’s best. Please forgive me. Help me to willingly
remain on Your schedule, Your perfect plan for my life. In Jesus name, Amen.
Application Steps: Are you a lady in waiting, eager for a baby, a promotion, or a ministry assignment?
Take time now to tell God that while you believe you are ready, you will be content to trust Him as you wait.
well my dr's attitude about getting pregnant at almost 44 (will be 44 by the time we marry and get started) was less than stellar.... I mean she REALLY sucked the life out of me momentarily with her well at your age you will have a hard time conceiving and we should send you to a fertility specialist if your serious about this...dunno just NOT the conversation I expected from a female ob/gyn... I am one hell of a FIT and healthy almost 44 yr old woman... women are having babies later in life all the time.. so WTF is her problem...
I really left there with tears welling up, I want this for us... sent a text to Matt and his response confirms why I love this man so much...
don't cry babygirl you just prepare yourself to get pregnant and watch God work, don't let your faith be shaken by anyone! God's blessings are far from done....
I think his words of comfort made me cry more but a different kind of tear... He truly is amazing... so I get back to work and start searching for blogs on late life pregnancy... might as well have as much information at my disposale as I can...
found a great website shelaughs.com about that very subject and I knew without a doubt I was directed there by God's tap on my shoulder... not only is this a woman who encourages and supports late life pregnancy... she is a Christian woman... and the front page of her website talks about how God blessed Sarah (she was 90) and Abraham (he was 100) with a child...
then I get home from my appt with Rich today... and in my in box is my Friday (yeah a day early) growth trac devotional (yes I have tons of stuff, motivational, spiritual and otherwise sent to me daily and have for a while) and it talks about God's timing... I've copied and pasted it below.... yeah don't tell me God isn't whispering to me... wait... no... He is hardly whispering.... this is pretty damn loud and clear and do YOU think its coincidence this came today... a day early???? yeah... me neither!
Friday's Encouragement for Today for Kim
Encouragement for Today
"Lady in Waiting"
by Rebecca Ingram Powell, Author, Certified Speaker,
Director of 2004 Writer’s Track
Certified Speaker
Key Verse: “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength. They will mount up with wings
like eagles; they will run and not get tired; they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31
Lately my family and I have been doing some traveling to promote my book, Baby Boot Camp. One of the best parts of our trips has been getting to see the inner workings of television studios. These are exciting places to be, filled with interesting, energetic people who are constantly on the go. In that dynamic environment however, there is a calming oasis for guests called the green room.
You may have heard a talk show host refer to the green room. It’s simply a waiting room (I haven’t seen one yet that is actually green.) The green room is where you stay until it’s your turn. It’s not like a dressing room, where you would prepare for your segment. No, in the green room you are expected to be ready: nose powdered, hair sprayed, shoes tied!
Not long ago, we arrived early for an interview, and the producer offered to give my family a tour of the studio. As we stepped onto the set of the program, the crew was just beginning to arrive and get the lights turned on. I was ready for the interview, but no one else was. There were no cameramen; there was no host; there were no microphones. After the tour, we were kindly ushered back to the green room. Even though we were ready, it wasn’t time.
God’s timing is often difficult to understand. I believe that’s because we don’t see the big picture like He does. Often we think we are ready for something, but He knows we’re not. Whether we’re setting our sights on a new baby or a new job, we are hindered by our human view of the past and the present. Our limited knowledge results from a restricted perspective. We know what we’ve seen, and we know where we’ve been, but we don’t know what the Lord wants to take us.
When I toured the studio, I could have hopped up on that deserted set, plopped myself down on the couch, and told all about “Baby Boot Camp.” But my voice would have gone no farther than the four walls of that large room. I was ready! But it wasn’t time.
Jesus Christ often told His disciples, “It’s not my time.” The disciples were eager for Jesus to build His kingdom. Jesus had to constantly remind them of the crucial factor of time. Timing is so important. We discount that fact largely because waiting is a lost art. But our Lord knew how to wait. It is the essence of self-control, the power within that takes command over the flesh. Our Lord lived it.
A twelve-year-old Jesus surrendered to the authority of earthly parents.
The carpenter’s son worked with His hands like everybody else.
The accused Son of God stood before Herod without saying a word in His own defense.
The open hands of a 33-year-old man willingly accepted Calvary’s cruel spikes.
Jesus had the advantage of a heavenly perspective, of course. He saw the big picture and knew that His death would offer eternal life to everyone. For us, from our limited perspective, waiting is a life exercise that strengthens our faith muscles.
The green room isn’t so bad. In my case, I had a chance to rest from a long drive. I had time to meet new friends who were also waiting in the green room. Most important, I had some extra time to pray. Because I waited my turn, my voice went beyond the four walls of the studio and was broadcast into three states! I may not always have a heavenly perspective, but I know the One who does. I can trust Him while I wait.
My prayer for today: Dear Father, Sometimes I think You’ve forgotten me. I feel like I’m sitting in
Your green room, waiting for my name to be called. I’m ready! I really think I’m ready! But I confess
that in my eagerness, I’m not trusting You to know what’s best. Please forgive me. Help me to willingly
remain on Your schedule, Your perfect plan for my life. In Jesus name, Amen.
Application Steps: Are you a lady in waiting, eager for a baby, a promotion, or a ministry assignment?
Take time now to tell God that while you believe you are ready, you will be content to trust Him as you wait.
40 days and a Purpose Driven Life
I've had the book and journal, The Purpose Driven Life, for sometime now .. oh at least 3 or 4 yrs... I have struggled to get past chapter 3... not because the book is bad or not a good read, but because there is a LOT and I mean a LOT of pain in that chapter for me....
Well I am ready to try again.... God is really speaking to me lately and it would be prudent of me to listen. What has transpired with Matt and I is something so powerful and beyond human comprehension that I really do feel only God could have had a hand in this...
So Tuesday the 11th I got home from the Florida trip.... and I have a huge queen size bed that I sleep on one side of... the other side... generally a book or two of what I am currently reading... so Tuesday night I look at the book on my bed, The Purpose Driven Life, but I'm tried and don't think much more about it...
Wake up Wed AM and reached for the book... the table of contents are the days numbered in this 40 day journey, Day 1, Day 2, etc... so I took my pencil and starting with Day 1, I wrote next to it, August 12th - the start of my finally getting thru this entire 40 day journey with and to God and finding his purpose for me... and when I got to the end, to Day 40 in table of contents and the numbering of my days, Aug 12, Aug 13 etc... I realized another Godly moment had occurred... yes all you non believers are saying this girl is fucking crazy... its merely coincidence... ok whatever, think how YOU want and I will think how I want.....
Anyhow..... Day 40, will be the exact day I arrive in Florida and begin my new life.... and icing on the cake its a Sunday.... I pack up my apt on Sept 18, I get on the road Sept 19 and I will be in Florida on Sept 20th.... coincidence... mmmm I think not....
In the book it explains how God uses 40 days as a significant period of time....
The Bible is clear that God considers 40 days a spiritually significant time period. Whenever God wanted to prepare someone for His purposes, He took 40 days: Noah’s life was transformed by 40 days of rain, Moses was transformed by 40 days on Mount Sinai, the spies were transformed by 40 days in the Promised Land, David was transformed by 40 days of Goliaths Challenge, Elijah was transformed when God gave him 40 days of strength from a single meal, Jesus was transformed by 40 days in the wilderness, and the disciples were transformed by 40 days with Jesus after His resurrection.
so it all began to make sense why I will be apart from Matt for exactly 40 days...its all part of God's plan... to bring me closer to Him and prepare me for my life ahead - and while being away from him at all is killing me... I am at peace with it... I know we are 1000% committed to each other and this next 40 days will only make the strong bond we have now, even stronger....
“two are better off than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Yes she is quoting scripture.... get over it, its my blog, my journal if your offended maybe its time to take a look in the mirror ya think????
so each day I will take one day at a time, read the chapter, write in the journal and share it with Matt.... not sure if I'm ready to share all that here... maybe.. dunno....
Well I am ready to try again.... God is really speaking to me lately and it would be prudent of me to listen. What has transpired with Matt and I is something so powerful and beyond human comprehension that I really do feel only God could have had a hand in this...
So Tuesday the 11th I got home from the Florida trip.... and I have a huge queen size bed that I sleep on one side of... the other side... generally a book or two of what I am currently reading... so Tuesday night I look at the book on my bed, The Purpose Driven Life, but I'm tried and don't think much more about it...
Wake up Wed AM and reached for the book... the table of contents are the days numbered in this 40 day journey, Day 1, Day 2, etc... so I took my pencil and starting with Day 1, I wrote next to it, August 12th - the start of my finally getting thru this entire 40 day journey with and to God and finding his purpose for me... and when I got to the end, to Day 40 in table of contents and the numbering of my days, Aug 12, Aug 13 etc... I realized another Godly moment had occurred... yes all you non believers are saying this girl is fucking crazy... its merely coincidence... ok whatever, think how YOU want and I will think how I want.....
Anyhow..... Day 40, will be the exact day I arrive in Florida and begin my new life.... and icing on the cake its a Sunday.... I pack up my apt on Sept 18, I get on the road Sept 19 and I will be in Florida on Sept 20th.... coincidence... mmmm I think not....
In the book it explains how God uses 40 days as a significant period of time....
The Bible is clear that God considers 40 days a spiritually significant time period. Whenever God wanted to prepare someone for His purposes, He took 40 days: Noah’s life was transformed by 40 days of rain, Moses was transformed by 40 days on Mount Sinai, the spies were transformed by 40 days in the Promised Land, David was transformed by 40 days of Goliaths Challenge, Elijah was transformed when God gave him 40 days of strength from a single meal, Jesus was transformed by 40 days in the wilderness, and the disciples were transformed by 40 days with Jesus after His resurrection.
so it all began to make sense why I will be apart from Matt for exactly 40 days...its all part of God's plan... to bring me closer to Him and prepare me for my life ahead - and while being away from him at all is killing me... I am at peace with it... I know we are 1000% committed to each other and this next 40 days will only make the strong bond we have now, even stronger....
“two are better off than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Yes she is quoting scripture.... get over it, its my blog, my journal if your offended maybe its time to take a look in the mirror ya think????
so each day I will take one day at a time, read the chapter, write in the journal and share it with Matt.... not sure if I'm ready to share all that here... maybe.. dunno....
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Need your vote peeps!!!!!!
I made it to Round 2 I am a semi finalist in the NX Labs Hardbody Challenge.Please vote for me between June 16th, 2009 to August 15th, 2009 http://lnk.ms/0rJl7
In Love!!!
who says you can't find love on the internet? I'm here to tell you, it IS possible... in prep for my new life in Florida I decided... hey when I get there, I think its time to start dating again.... but I had it in my head I was NOT going to just date one person... doesn't mean sleep with people I said date a few people....
To many times in my life you go out with someone once or twice, y'all hit if off and then all the sudden BAM your exclusive... only to find down the line... mmmm maybe that wasn't such a great idea.... so I decided i'd do that play the field thing, something I never did in my younger years...
so I put my profile on Fitness Singles and Plenty of Fish.... chatted with some great guys, some with potential for future dates, chatted with some assholes, and some out and out perverts - i mean who the hell emails a stranger about hooking up with him AND his girlfriend???? seriously....
so long about real early July... i get this cute short email from this guy on POF... his name was Matt... ok I admit I DID look at the pictures first, hey I AM human and as humans we ARE visual creatures....but as if his pictures were not enough....OMG his profile and what it said touched my heart in a way I just knew there'd be no turning back from.... and so insued about 3 weeks of extensive back and forth 2 and 3 page emails between the two of us, literally almost every single day... and with each email I just found myself drawn to him more and more... yeah yeah so maybe he was just a good writer who knows... in cyberspace a person can be whomever they choose to be... but, and I am no psychologist or anything, but there was something more to this.... people don't write and say the things he was saying without there being some conviction behind it... things he said, goals, hopes, dreams, those things he described in detail don't come from a book, they come from ones heart...
and it was uncanny how we had VERY similar hopes, goals, and dreams... likes and dislikes, favorite things to do.... with each email exchange the similarities grew and my feelings for someone I've not even met, grew right along with it.... there was no denying for me and it scared the hell out of me... I was having feelings, falling in love with someone I HAVE NOT MET..... WTF this is NOT like me... I plan everythign in my life to the Nth degree (ok sometimes specially here lately I fly by the seat of my pants)... finally after some email exchanges with his uber cool sister and getting perhaps another view of this person... I decided to stop waging this battle between my logical head and my emotional heart... and never ever am I the one to say "i love you" first.... but I did... i took that chance... yes with someone I had never met in person, face to face - call me crazy, cause I thought i was myself believe me... once I sent the words in an email... well there was no taking them back....
and things only got tighter and stronger from that point on... yea sure your still saying BUT YOU HAVE NOT MET HIM.... well that was remedied this week and let me tell you, it was one million times more in person that I could have EVER hoped for... he truly was everything he seemed to be in his pictures and in his words - from the first moment it felt like someone I had truly known for a long long time.
I mean what guy comes to the airport, literally an hour out of his way, at 9pm at night, when I had a rental car so I didn't need a ride from the airport, just to meet me???? Well this guy did, in fact insisted upon it even though I assured him I had it under control... and there he was with is beautiful smile waiting for me.... and OMG he was so much more gorgeous in person and let me just say he is pretty flipping hot in pictures so in person.... took my breath away.... the chills that ran up my spine from his touch, his hug, the electricity.... was mesmorizing....
and with the exception of a few brief moments away this past week, we were inseperable.... sometimes doing something, others doing nothing at all but enjoying each others company...I've even met some of the family and they are just as wonderful as he is... but then really, I didn't expect any different...
I can honestly say without an ounce of doubt in either my head or my heart... this person IS my soulmate... this person is the human God created to be with me.... and I WILL spend the rest of my life with him.... and with his son, and with the children we will have together... Yeah yea I know your thinking I've lost it again, but just wait and see how wonderful its going to be... then all you nay sayers can get off your mightier than thou horses and stop being jealous... or maybe you won't because you may never be this happy in your life.... but don't be jealous because someone else is...
I've been married before, dated some pretty awesome guys... but never have I been able to see a future so clearly as I see it with Matt - and I look forward to every single day that God puts before us, even the days where we will be challenged, because we will put God first, before each other and before ourselves, and THAT is how I know this will be a life long lasting, till death do us part relationship....
with God first, all else falls into place!
To many times in my life you go out with someone once or twice, y'all hit if off and then all the sudden BAM your exclusive... only to find down the line... mmmm maybe that wasn't such a great idea.... so I decided i'd do that play the field thing, something I never did in my younger years...
so I put my profile on Fitness Singles and Plenty of Fish.... chatted with some great guys, some with potential for future dates, chatted with some assholes, and some out and out perverts - i mean who the hell emails a stranger about hooking up with him AND his girlfriend???? seriously....
so long about real early July... i get this cute short email from this guy on POF... his name was Matt... ok I admit I DID look at the pictures first, hey I AM human and as humans we ARE visual creatures....but as if his pictures were not enough....OMG his profile and what it said touched my heart in a way I just knew there'd be no turning back from.... and so insued about 3 weeks of extensive back and forth 2 and 3 page emails between the two of us, literally almost every single day... and with each email I just found myself drawn to him more and more... yeah yeah so maybe he was just a good writer who knows... in cyberspace a person can be whomever they choose to be... but, and I am no psychologist or anything, but there was something more to this.... people don't write and say the things he was saying without there being some conviction behind it... things he said, goals, hopes, dreams, those things he described in detail don't come from a book, they come from ones heart...
and it was uncanny how we had VERY similar hopes, goals, and dreams... likes and dislikes, favorite things to do.... with each email exchange the similarities grew and my feelings for someone I've not even met, grew right along with it.... there was no denying for me and it scared the hell out of me... I was having feelings, falling in love with someone I HAVE NOT MET..... WTF this is NOT like me... I plan everythign in my life to the Nth degree (ok sometimes specially here lately I fly by the seat of my pants)... finally after some email exchanges with his uber cool sister and getting perhaps another view of this person... I decided to stop waging this battle between my logical head and my emotional heart... and never ever am I the one to say "i love you" first.... but I did... i took that chance... yes with someone I had never met in person, face to face - call me crazy, cause I thought i was myself believe me... once I sent the words in an email... well there was no taking them back....
and things only got tighter and stronger from that point on... yea sure your still saying BUT YOU HAVE NOT MET HIM.... well that was remedied this week and let me tell you, it was one million times more in person that I could have EVER hoped for... he truly was everything he seemed to be in his pictures and in his words - from the first moment it felt like someone I had truly known for a long long time.
I mean what guy comes to the airport, literally an hour out of his way, at 9pm at night, when I had a rental car so I didn't need a ride from the airport, just to meet me???? Well this guy did, in fact insisted upon it even though I assured him I had it under control... and there he was with is beautiful smile waiting for me.... and OMG he was so much more gorgeous in person and let me just say he is pretty flipping hot in pictures so in person.... took my breath away.... the chills that ran up my spine from his touch, his hug, the electricity.... was mesmorizing....
and with the exception of a few brief moments away this past week, we were inseperable.... sometimes doing something, others doing nothing at all but enjoying each others company...I've even met some of the family and they are just as wonderful as he is... but then really, I didn't expect any different...
I can honestly say without an ounce of doubt in either my head or my heart... this person IS my soulmate... this person is the human God created to be with me.... and I WILL spend the rest of my life with him.... and with his son, and with the children we will have together... Yeah yea I know your thinking I've lost it again, but just wait and see how wonderful its going to be... then all you nay sayers can get off your mightier than thou horses and stop being jealous... or maybe you won't because you may never be this happy in your life.... but don't be jealous because someone else is...
I've been married before, dated some pretty awesome guys... but never have I been able to see a future so clearly as I see it with Matt - and I look forward to every single day that God puts before us, even the days where we will be challenged, because we will put God first, before each other and before ourselves, and THAT is how I know this will be a life long lasting, till death do us part relationship....
with God first, all else falls into place!
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