Looking good for Charleston...

Ok not panicking.... YET... but Matt had his interview today, was at gate in Atlanta, they called and are putting an offer together...

Just going to trust this is God's plan... I just can't see the whole picture yet...

The only thing I hope doesn't happen is I am moving twice in less than a month... if they make him an offer lets hope its before I leave the state of IL and then I can just route myself to Charleston instead.....if he accepts the offer of course.

I guess I am just trying to remain calm but I can't lie and say I'm not a little stressed... with 15 days to go my life is still in limbo as to where I'm going...and now the job thing is a little more worrysome... truth is I am wiping out my savings for this move (yeah there wasn't a lot there to begin with) so I HAVE to get a job right away where ever I end up. wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have debt to pay, but, sadly I do.

It would be nice if they'd make him the offer today and then at least I'd know where that stands and then I will know how to proceed on this end...

Funny but before he went for this interview we were talking and I said maybe this will pan out after all because its God's way of you and I being together and establishing ourselves with each other without family around... he laughed and said my sister said the same thing....

will this be God's way of showing ME the true meaning of Ephesians 5:22-24???

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Now liberal women don't get your tail feathers ruffled... I don't think God meant wives be doormats to your husbands... because He goes on to say in Ephesians 5:25-33

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

and for those of you that know me.... you know submission is not something I do well... but truth is its because I've never felt comfortable with really letting go before, to anyone, to include myself and yes, God....however I can say that I am in a better place... I have a great therapist Rich Lessor who no matter what anyone thinks is an angel from God... I know maybe some don't think therapy is necessary... I can tell you w/o therapy with Rich for last 2+ yrs... I would not be in a place mentally or emotionally where I could let God in, trust God, let alone myself or Matt - so yes I firmly believe Rich is an angel of sorts his work with me has allowed me to see the good in myself, allowed me to be ok with things I can't see, feel, hear, smell or touch....

I dunno I really can't explain it and maybe it doesn't matter or warrant explaining... or maybe I feel this comfortable being a woman as God meant for me to be, being a wife to Matt as God meant for me to be...

because Matt is the man that God meant for me to be with????

and maybe that's why EVERYTHING with him feels so right????

Friday Fill-Ins #2

And...here we go!

1. I feel like I should be packing.

2. A day off work is always fun.

3. Right now, I can hear these things: the street sweeper and my ceiling fan.

4. Matt called and I'm glad the South Carolina interview went well.

5. The last time I slept past 5am was over 3 wks ago.

6. Praise and thank God this Labor day weekend.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dinner w/Erin, Chayna and Jen, tomorrow my plans include packing and Sunday, I want to go to Church at Joy!

The REAL cost....

As much as I'd like the district to keep me on board to clean up the mess in our system... If it’s God's will it will happen, if not, well guess the district will continue to piece meal and pay for a system they can't use to its full potential...

how sad is it that they can't see that, the real dollars and cents its costing them to keep going the way they are… unable to produce reports, unable to use the system to its greatest potential because of the GIGO…

I GET the fact we are in a budget crunch… yet we give money away to certified staff like no tomorrow, we get robbed from certain staff members literally, yet its allowed to continue… cut that shit out and you’d be able to pay me for the 3ish or so months it might take to get this system cleaned up the way it should be…

And I don’t toot my own horn often...I really don’t and if you know me you know it’s NOT how I am... but the reality of THIS situation… I get this system…I get how all the pieces of position, assignment, calendars, hours per day, etc all work together… I GET IT!  We have staff members that have been there for a lot longer than I have that cannot see this big picture and after 1.5 yrs on this system STILL don’t see or care how what they enter affects someone’s pay….

I get it, I see it, and I WANT to clean it up so it works like it should…. Yes selfishly this benefits me… might keep me with some income for a few months… but the other reality is… I like what I do, the folks I work with and it important to me to clean this mess up so it works like it should for them going forward.  Yes you can FORCE the staff members to stay after hours and work to clean it up but I can tell you it won’t get done properly even then because THEY DON’T SEE IT OR GET IT LIKE I DO…..

The truth of the matter is yes money is tight, but what are you spending, or well wasting on a system you really can’t use?  And what good is it going to do you to force those that don’t give a shit to clean it up?  And what good will it do to force them when if they don’t get it they can’t see HOW to clean it up??? 

Would seem more cost effective to me to keep me on board working remotely to clean this up for a few months then the dollars and cents being tossed after garbage now….and all the additional training in the world is NOT going to have the remaining staff members understanding how it all works….

Sigh!!!!!

Birthday and Plans

Yesterday, in spite of not being with Matt and Trevor for my birthday, it was a GREAT day.... sans some fires at work but hey its just work its not my life...

Lets see my day started with Matt and Trevor calling to wish me a happy birthday... then lots of friends called.. some had really called the night before but gosh I was in bed like 8pm-ish the night before... yeah getting old I guess... lots of birthday wishes from co-workers... some ladies took me to a nice lunch.... Matt's sister Amanda sang to me... I almost pee'd my pants it was so funny, she and I are truly sisters from another mother... Kevin stopped by with a cool card and practical gift (the best kind in my book, thank you Kevin), lots of Bday wishes on facebook... Kevin took me for some ice cream at Cold Stone... and then my day ended with a wonderful conversation with my soon to be husband.... Gosh I really really REALLY Love this man....

then I totally forgot till like 10pm.. to check my mail... so out of bed down to the mail box and BAM another sign of love from my baby.... He sent me this really cool book: How to Handle Adversity by Charles Stanley.... and inside were 3 wonderful cards two from Matt and one from Trevor  - Oh my gosh the card from Trevor was the bomb.... so typical of a 7 yr old but I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT...

I don't save many paper cards but this one will be a keeper of this you can bet... it will go in a photo album and the envelope is a keeper too cause he drew on it... gosh not EVEN his step mom yet and already I am saving things that one day will probably embarrass the heck out of him...

The book is a winner and I have a feeling the good Lord directed Matt in his sending this to me..... and whats funny... he had to have picked up this book before my melt down the other day... it was just a day, things were piling on my shoulders, or so it seemed, family, the move, work, lack of when I get to Florida, uncertainty about where we will live as a family, where I will live when I first get there - but it about how sometimes God does put adversity in our lives ON PURPOSE to help us grow.. in our faith to Him, our trust of Him and His word and grow in ourselves....

I was also reminded by some words from Bob Moeller that we can't always see God's complete plan, nor do we need to, but we DO need to trust there is a plan and God's plans are always good even if adversity is how they are brought about... Bob talked about the story of Jacob and Leah and if your follow lineage thru time... eventually from that lineage of Jacob/Leah the Christ child is born... when in the beginning... Jacob wanted Rachel and was deceived by Laban (Leah and Rachels father) into marriage with Leah... so could either Jacob or Leah or anyone at that time know how God's plan for this marriage would end???? NOPE.... I don't know off top of my head how many generations between Jacob/Leah and the birth of Christ there were but I am sure it was many so NO ONE could have seen God's ultimate plan AT THAT MOMENT.... but a plan is exactly what He had...

so while I won't be perfect at it... I WILL, when it seems like the world is crashing again, be mindful of the story and end result of Jacob/Leah

Jer 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I know God has plans for me... I know I can't SEE the whole picture.... And I will do my best to be mindful of His plan, know its there, know He has only good in store...

Thank you Jesus for loving ME that much..

Found Him...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...

The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

I will start by saying I know this is not very Christian like, but at the same time to frustrates the heck out of me... be it family or friends why do I always have to be the one to drive to see people?  Why is it no one can take the time to drive and come to see me? 

I dunno I think its sad that my friend David, who I really don't know has been a better friend to me than others I've know for a few years.  On more than one occasion David has taken the time to drive to Elmhurst to workout and hang with me, and I have done the same going to see him... My friend Rich, a young kid but very together for his 25 yrs... drove 5 flipping hours from O'Fallon IL to hang out for the weekend...Chayna who lives in NJ will be flying in for the weekend.. granted it was originally for the competition but just the same she could have changed her flight....

Yet I have friends that have lived or live an hour or less away... I have family that lives 1.5 hrs away... do THEY ever make the effort to come spend an hour with me?

Well I'm sorry I can't and won't feel badly about not making time for those people... if you ARE my so called friends well than act like it... I am 20 days from moving I am busy at work trying to get things wrapped up there, I am busy packing so right now I don't have time to take to go visit you... but IF you are a friend YOU do have the time to maybe come see me....I can almost guarantee unless EYE take the time which I do not have I will see three people before I leave this state.. David, Rich, Chayna...

Lucky even when it doesn't feel like it...

I gotta say I am such a lucky gal.... having a bit of a difficult day, bit of a slap in the face comment from my brother, hearing of the pain my middle brother put the youngest thru after I left home, hearing the youngest say he felt like I abandoned him..... I was in tears... I never had a clue what was going on after I left home... I never meant to abandon anyone... I needed to get away to protect myself from the abuse my mother was dishing out... course needless to say I managed to find my way into many abusive relationships after that but that's another story....

then some BS postings on facebook and well, just not a great day emotionally... days are always good because they are God made but some turn out to be more challenging than anything...

but I think one way to stick a knife in my heart is to tell my I abandoned you?? I didn't have a normal teenage life because I raised you.... I had no friends because they came to know that every where I went IF I was ever allowed to go anywhere... that two younger brothers came in tow... so I stopped getting invited to things.

so HOW does this make me lucky???

Well first.... I know all this is God's way of growing me, testing my faith, testing my love for others no matter what, teaching me compassion even in the midst of my own hurts... but gosh sometimes His lessons sure do sting....

Second... I am literally on the verge of tears and my baby calls me and comforts me for an hour on the phone.. he does not try to FIX me, or FIX the problem... rather he just listens, and tells me he is sorry I am going thru this and that he loves me... No fixing, no solving, just loving comfort...

thank you baby!  I love you... I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you :o)

Congrats Kevin

Congrats to my friend (and ex boyfriend) Kevin... He did the Louisville KY Ironman today... under 13 hrs for a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and 26.2 mile run - 12 hrs 44 minutes...

ROCK ON!

course I could care less if he did it in the cut off time of 17 hrs.. I think anyone that does this and finishes is a winner in my book...