Or at least that is how it seems these days....
My brother called yesterday, yeah the one I am supposed to live with for a short spell... mmm they are getting evicted. Now I don't know the whole story and while I love my brother I do take what he says with a large grain of salt.
Oddly I didn't freak out... I just had to laugh... I mean what the hell else can spin out of control with a week or so left? HHHMM maybe I shouldn't ask. I didn't laugh at him while on the phone but when I hung up I just chuckled to myself..sent Matt a text message...
He called a little later... well another change on the horizon... SRC wants him to start next week... so one day next week Tues or Wed he flies to SC and gets started with meeting co-workers, getting things in place at the office, figuring out the project... will fly home or, well, to FL on Friday the 18th or Saturday the 19th...
I arrive the 19th, what time is anyone's guess as it all depends on when we leave Indiana on Friday, traffic, potty, food and gas stops, etc. I am estimating sometime between 3-6am... on the 19th... at that point Matt and I will get cousin back to New Port Richey, then chill Saturday... were I am staying Saturday night... oh well that is anyone's guess right now... Sunday we will go to church in Eustis, then Sunday afternoon we drive to South Carolina and begin our new life... right now in temporary corporate housing which has been extended for 30 days...
Monday the 21st I believe Matt will take the day off or at least 1/2 day, we will get Trevor enrolled in school and then the process of finding us permanent housing, a church to call home, figure out where grocery stores are and all that other fun stuff of moving to a new area...begins...
So here I was worried about where'd I'd live for a week once I got to Florida... and now.. well we turn around and immediately head to SC.
Ok well its back to packing for me... but if anyone that reads this lives or has lived in the North Charleston SC area and can suggest a laid back church, non denominational preferred, let me know.. I really prefer a church where the music is up beat, you can wear jeans, shorts and sneakers and feel comfortable, a church that feels more like a family setting not like you have to dress to the nines to impress the Jones...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Houston it looks like South Carolina!
Made it thru day 3 in a row with Kurt... he is kicking my tail and its only tough because EYE choose to be a real slacker after making the decision not to compete... add to that binging and well a few extra pounds and wah la... things are tougher when we train... so what is the lesson learned here????
Control, somehow, your addiction to food and even when you slip, NEVER give up your love of the gym, and NEVER allow yourself to get to the point you HATE the gym again... if that means I never ever compete again, so be it.
Well SC is a definite... I will be IN florida on Sept 19th, ETA sometime between midnight and 6am, just depends on when we leave Indiana on Friday and traffic and such... when I arrive, Matt will drive with me to get cousin back to New Port Richey... Sunday we will do church... then I think Monday we will get Trevor off to school, and if Amber can watch him over night and get him off to school on Tuesday??? Matt and I will drive to SC, get Trevor enrolled in school, look around the area at houses, churches, maybe grab a local paper so I can job hunt... (all this still in the air of course) then drive back on Tuesday...
SRC wants him to start on the 28th and since we want to take full advantage of corporate housing that also starts on the 28th... looks like we will be living in SC by the 28th...
Odd thing is... I am calm about it all... maybe its just having definite dates and plans helps put me at ease... I don't do well with uncertainty.. and while the future still HOLDS a lot of uncertainty just having some true dates nailed down is comforting to me....
My immediate coworkers took me out last night for dinner and dessert.. they are a GREAT bunch of ladies and a great boss... I will miss them dearly its hard to put what 7 of us ladies together and for the most part we all get along, and well! oh we all have our days we are human but there is no cattiness... they gave me the COOLEST huge basket filled with my favorite treats, nuts, protien bars, smarties, tootsie rolls, dish towels... I haven't even unwrapped it completely to see all that is in there, but the way cool thing was the 3 little pigs they gave me... OMG I cried.. and cried again when I was telling Matt about it... just a nice sybolism... #1 I love pigs and collect them #2 there are 3 and I don't know if that was a planned thing but to me its piggies for Matt, Trevor and I...
and as I sit here looking at the beautiful picture of the two men in my life... I realize how lucky I am and while there is uncertainty about things to come... I am thankful to God for placing them in my life!
Control, somehow, your addiction to food and even when you slip, NEVER give up your love of the gym, and NEVER allow yourself to get to the point you HATE the gym again... if that means I never ever compete again, so be it.
Well SC is a definite... I will be IN florida on Sept 19th, ETA sometime between midnight and 6am, just depends on when we leave Indiana on Friday and traffic and such... when I arrive, Matt will drive with me to get cousin back to New Port Richey... Sunday we will do church... then I think Monday we will get Trevor off to school, and if Amber can watch him over night and get him off to school on Tuesday??? Matt and I will drive to SC, get Trevor enrolled in school, look around the area at houses, churches, maybe grab a local paper so I can job hunt... (all this still in the air of course) then drive back on Tuesday...
SRC wants him to start on the 28th and since we want to take full advantage of corporate housing that also starts on the 28th... looks like we will be living in SC by the 28th...
Odd thing is... I am calm about it all... maybe its just having definite dates and plans helps put me at ease... I don't do well with uncertainty.. and while the future still HOLDS a lot of uncertainty just having some true dates nailed down is comforting to me....
My immediate coworkers took me out last night for dinner and dessert.. they are a GREAT bunch of ladies and a great boss... I will miss them dearly its hard to put what 7 of us ladies together and for the most part we all get along, and well! oh we all have our days we are human but there is no cattiness... they gave me the COOLEST huge basket filled with my favorite treats, nuts, protien bars, smarties, tootsie rolls, dish towels... I haven't even unwrapped it completely to see all that is in there, but the way cool thing was the 3 little pigs they gave me... OMG I cried.. and cried again when I was telling Matt about it... just a nice sybolism... #1 I love pigs and collect them #2 there are 3 and I don't know if that was a planned thing but to me its piggies for Matt, Trevor and I...
and as I sit here looking at the beautiful picture of the two men in my life... I realize how lucky I am and while there is uncertainty about things to come... I am thankful to God for placing them in my life!
Friday Fill In #3
And...here we go!
1. That's a GREAT WAY to be.
2. GOD; I'm over here!
3. The possibilities include: Florida for a week then final destination South Carolina.
4. TOMATO SOUP AND GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES is one of my favorite cool day recipes.
5. How will you know, ask God.
6. Cloud, rain, and a stormy sky.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to finishing my packing, tomorrow my plans include work at the office :o( and Sunday, I want to go to church and spend time with my niece!
1. That's a GREAT WAY to be.
2. GOD; I'm over here!
3. The possibilities include: Florida for a week then final destination South Carolina.
4. TOMATO SOUP AND GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES is one of my favorite cool day recipes.
5. How will you know, ask God.
6. Cloud, rain, and a stormy sky.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to finishing my packing, tomorrow my plans include work at the office :o( and Sunday, I want to go to church and spend time with my niece!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Great session with Rich last night... it was a tough one, I cried, cussed, he asked me how long I was going to let myself go backwards and possibly F up (yes his words) the good thing in my life because I choose to let my inner little girl feel unworthy of Matt's love.
I know where it stems from... Amanda and I spoke about this... I've always pushed people away as they got close, put up that wall, felt unworthy of anyone's love... why... because if your mother couldn't love you, if your mother hated you, called you a dumb mother F'n kid, made you the cause of all her issues, told you how unwanted you were, made you feel that way by sending you away all the time... yeah can definitely tend to make you feel unworthy... and I know I've been doing better about it but with all else that is going on, that little girl inside has been taking over again... and we know what happens when we let our child rule us..
anxiety, stress, saddness, feeling lost, out of sorts... because a child does not know how to handle adult issues...
it was one of those therapy sessions where I walk out of there hating him, wanting to never go back, but I know he has only told me what I need to hear - the truth always hurts...
I know where it stems from... Amanda and I spoke about this... I've always pushed people away as they got close, put up that wall, felt unworthy of anyone's love... why... because if your mother couldn't love you, if your mother hated you, called you a dumb mother F'n kid, made you the cause of all her issues, told you how unwanted you were, made you feel that way by sending you away all the time... yeah can definitely tend to make you feel unworthy... and I know I've been doing better about it but with all else that is going on, that little girl inside has been taking over again... and we know what happens when we let our child rule us..
anxiety, stress, saddness, feeling lost, out of sorts... because a child does not know how to handle adult issues...
it was one of those therapy sessions where I walk out of there hating him, wanting to never go back, but I know he has only told me what I need to hear - the truth always hurts...
Man two days in a row with Kurt and he is kicking my ass! Tomorrow I said I need to wear a HR monitor... I know my HR is NOT going below 130 the entire workout... we are doing circuit type stuff and he barely lets me rest between circuits.
I ventured onto the scale this morning first time in WEEKS... it wasn't pretty but its what I expected, just gave me more fuel for my fire...
I look in the mirror and still see the definition in my arms and back.... but I also look in the mirror and see where the weight I put back on went... below the belt, my legs, hips, butt... my abs are still defined so that's a plus.
Eh it is what it is...
I ventured onto the scale this morning first time in WEEKS... it wasn't pretty but its what I expected, just gave me more fuel for my fire...
I look in the mirror and still see the definition in my arms and back.... but I also look in the mirror and see where the weight I put back on went... below the belt, my legs, hips, butt... my abs are still defined so that's a plus.
Eh it is what it is...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
sometimes when you think you are ok with stuff, something else crops up... why is that??
I am really beginning to think... I cannot live with my brother, right now I am really hoping SC pans out and we get word this week and I will know my time with him might be just a couple of weeks... like the world he is in financial straights... can't afford insurance so he cant afford his meds and I can't handle him when he is not taking his medication... I love him, he is my brother but there was a good year or two we literally did not speak because he wasn't taking his meds... it upsets me when he talks suicide... with his bipolar issues I am afraid he might just do something stupid... I had a close friend end his life that way... it still to this day, saddens me, leaves me with so many unanswered questions... I came across pictures of Jay the other day... and tears just started to flow... and still after all these years I am left to wonder... what was that bad??? and if you had 5 more seconds would you have done something different??
if it works out.. might stay with Amanda for a week or so till SC is a definite and we have a date for that move.. her hubby will be out of town on business for about 15 days so it might work out perfectly....
Had a dental thing today... might as well get all the work taken care of that I can before I no longer have insurance myself...
had to miss my session with Kurt... that cost me $325, not missing my session with Kurt but.. my car had to get new rear rotors and brakes and I would not have had it repaired in time to do our workout and get back before shop closed...
and oh yeah... I need to spend another $500 or so on 4 tires mounted and balances... the guy said I should not even attempt to drive to Florida on two of my tires... well I am just gonna have to hope God is looking out for me because I do not have another $500 to spend, period... when it rains it pours
but I went to my mail box and DID have a nice card with words of love from my honey...
I am really beginning to think... I cannot live with my brother, right now I am really hoping SC pans out and we get word this week and I will know my time with him might be just a couple of weeks... like the world he is in financial straights... can't afford insurance so he cant afford his meds and I can't handle him when he is not taking his medication... I love him, he is my brother but there was a good year or two we literally did not speak because he wasn't taking his meds... it upsets me when he talks suicide... with his bipolar issues I am afraid he might just do something stupid... I had a close friend end his life that way... it still to this day, saddens me, leaves me with so many unanswered questions... I came across pictures of Jay the other day... and tears just started to flow... and still after all these years I am left to wonder... what was that bad??? and if you had 5 more seconds would you have done something different??
if it works out.. might stay with Amanda for a week or so till SC is a definite and we have a date for that move.. her hubby will be out of town on business for about 15 days so it might work out perfectly....
Had a dental thing today... might as well get all the work taken care of that I can before I no longer have insurance myself...
had to miss my session with Kurt... that cost me $325, not missing my session with Kurt but.. my car had to get new rear rotors and brakes and I would not have had it repaired in time to do our workout and get back before shop closed...
and oh yeah... I need to spend another $500 or so on 4 tires mounted and balances... the guy said I should not even attempt to drive to Florida on two of my tires... well I am just gonna have to hope God is looking out for me because I do not have another $500 to spend, period... when it rains it pours
but I went to my mail box and DID have a nice card with words of love from my honey...
so far today... cardio only... did my Cardio Coach V3 workout...if you've never used these cardio workouts its a great way to get thru some boring treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike, or whatever...
http://www.cardiocoach.com/
tonight is a session with Kurt, I will do maybe another 1/2 hr of cardio after our workout depending on what he puts me thru...
then I have a 5am Wed and Friday with Kurt...
http://www.cardiocoach.com/
tonight is a session with Kurt, I will do maybe another 1/2 hr of cardio after our workout depending on what he puts me thru...
then I have a 5am Wed and Friday with Kurt...
Dent in the packing
It didn't start out this way but, yesterday proved to be a productive day on the packing front... I was starting to feel overwhelmed with the task, going from one room to another getting NOTHING done.... so I called Matt and we talked for a good 45 minutes... it helped me to focus and I ended up getting a LOT done...
I couldn't get all the dishes packed up because I ran out of newspaper to wrap them in... but my coworker will bring in a bunch for me today. Course I packed every plate so I had to improvise for dinner last night... will stop and get paper plates and cups for rest of my time in this apartment... I could leave out one of everything but I'd feel better just knowing its all packed and ready to go.
More and more each day it looks like we will be living in South Carolina for 6 months to a year... God (and SRC) will send us a definite answer this week. I have come to the conclusion all my anxiety about this is tied to finances and nothing to do with me, Matt or Trevor.
This move to Florida is easily going to be $1500-2000.. I am in debt to my eyeballs and once I deplete my savings (told you there wasn't much in there) for this move, that's it, I'm broke. Somehow, not sure how, but somehow it will work out. Or I become like 90% of America right now and my credit goes down the tubes again...
I started to call the utility companies and cable to get things out of my name and get final billings set up... got all but Nicor taken care of... Will have to work on closing out bank accounts this week, getting address changed with postal service...all that fun stuff.. yeah right...
still seems like tons of stuff to be done but somehow its just gotta get done....
I couldn't get all the dishes packed up because I ran out of newspaper to wrap them in... but my coworker will bring in a bunch for me today. Course I packed every plate so I had to improvise for dinner last night... will stop and get paper plates and cups for rest of my time in this apartment... I could leave out one of everything but I'd feel better just knowing its all packed and ready to go.
More and more each day it looks like we will be living in South Carolina for 6 months to a year... God (and SRC) will send us a definite answer this week. I have come to the conclusion all my anxiety about this is tied to finances and nothing to do with me, Matt or Trevor.
This move to Florida is easily going to be $1500-2000.. I am in debt to my eyeballs and once I deplete my savings (told you there wasn't much in there) for this move, that's it, I'm broke. Somehow, not sure how, but somehow it will work out. Or I become like 90% of America right now and my credit goes down the tubes again...
I started to call the utility companies and cable to get things out of my name and get final billings set up... got all but Nicor taken care of... Will have to work on closing out bank accounts this week, getting address changed with postal service...all that fun stuff.. yeah right...
still seems like tons of stuff to be done but somehow its just gotta get done....
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Feeling the fire
Today... today felt so good to be back in the gym... I've lost a little strength but it will come back quickly...
Lifted back and chest did supersets...
BB Bench Press SS w/Lat Pull downs
1/10 @ 95 ss 1/10 @ 100
1/10 @ 100 ss 1/10 @ 100
1/10 @ 105 ss 1/10 @ 100
Incline DB Press SS w/1 Arm DB Rows
1/10 @ 30 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 35 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 40 ss 1/10 @ 45
Cable Cross SS w/Straight Arm Pull Down
1/10 @ 20 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 25 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 30 ss 1/10 @ 50
Then 45 minutes on the stepmill, level 5, sometimes taking two steps at a time... 150 floors/3.13 miles
as I am going thru this workout I'm thankful that it felt good to be in the gym again... i had really come to HATE being there.... was it attending the bodybuilding show last night... the one EYE should have been competing in??? was it just something clicking in my head of not being happy with my physique right now??? Was it a conversation with Matt regarding the body being a temple???? Is it my desire to get my personal training certificate and needing to walk the walk as I will teach my clients to do??? Was it seeing my friend Erin??? Conversations with Chayna???
Don't really know, don't have those answers... and it doesn't really matter... I feel the fire again within me, maybe not the fire to contest diet and prep, but just the desire to right myself and take care of my temple...
Lifted back and chest did supersets...
BB Bench Press SS w/Lat Pull downs
1/10 @ 95 ss 1/10 @ 100
1/10 @ 100 ss 1/10 @ 100
1/10 @ 105 ss 1/10 @ 100
Incline DB Press SS w/1 Arm DB Rows
1/10 @ 30 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 35 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 40 ss 1/10 @ 45
Cable Cross SS w/Straight Arm Pull Down
1/10 @ 20 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 25 ss 1/10 @ 40
1/10 @ 30 ss 1/10 @ 50
Then 45 minutes on the stepmill, level 5, sometimes taking two steps at a time... 150 floors/3.13 miles
as I am going thru this workout I'm thankful that it felt good to be in the gym again... i had really come to HATE being there.... was it attending the bodybuilding show last night... the one EYE should have been competing in??? was it just something clicking in my head of not being happy with my physique right now??? Was it a conversation with Matt regarding the body being a temple???? Is it my desire to get my personal training certificate and needing to walk the walk as I will teach my clients to do??? Was it seeing my friend Erin??? Conversations with Chayna???
Don't really know, don't have those answers... and it doesn't really matter... I feel the fire again within me, maybe not the fire to contest diet and prep, but just the desire to right myself and take care of my temple...
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