just when the caterpillar thought that life was over,
it became

Monday, April 27, 2009

Back to keeping up.. HOPEFULLY :o)

I have really, I mean REALLY, not been good about keeping this up. But I need to change that. There is a lot of stuff rolling around in my head and one thing I've learned from Rich is by writing it out, thoughts to paper, if you will, you can help see patterns, solve problems, or at the very least relieve some of the clutter in your head.

I just got back from a WONDERFUL week in Florida. I know at the end of September I am moving there but I can't even begin to tell you how sad I was the closer I got to Illinois. The closer I got the more I realized, there is nothing here for me... nothing.

By the time I got in the apartment door I was sobbing uncontrollably. It was like a slap in the face about how alone I am. It sucks.. I am a people person.. I mean I like 'time' to be alone but I also like interaction with other humans - but because of the lifestyle I lead its hard to find others to really hang out with - dunno... really... how to explain it to be honest, hence the very reason for just random posts and getting it out of my head - so while what I write might not be of interest to anyone else or make sense to anyone - hell there will be times it makes no sense to me - it is just my form of a paper journal because my hand writing sucks :o)

I guess the TRUE reality is even when I move to Florida... I will be in the same boat... I will be alone, but at least I will be in the land of sunshine. Been re-considering some living arrangements once I get there... Maybe I just need to find my own place, period.... dunno...

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