just when the caterpillar thought that life was over,
it became

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Thoughts from the weekend

First - the concert... ROCKED!  words just cannot describe it.....Caleb, Tenth Avenue North and CASTING CROWNS! WOW...

Then Saturday the Beth Moore simulcast... it was WOW too but the wow for me was imagining that all over the US and Canada there were 300,000+ women all watching and listening to the same message at the same time. A message, while about our insecurity, was very much a Godly message as brought by the unique, loving, and humorous style of Beth Moore.  I can only pray that my passion for God, someday, is even 1/10th of the passion that woman has and speaks of Him.  Of course I know she did not speak with this passion when she first started public speaking, it came with time.

I only wish I could have walked out of there feeling less insecure with myself then I did when I walked in.  And truly I am almost ashamed to admit, I am not. 

I just long for one of those AH HA moments when you hear or see something that profoundly changes your life... maybe I was expecting too much from this simulcast?  I don't know..... not sure what I expected to get from it to be honest.. does not diminish my like of Beth Moore and her bible studies... cause I know it was me and me alone... you get out of anything what you put into it.

In many ways I guess I feel I am still 1/2-waying God in my life and I am not sure WHY I feel like that... well yes, yes I do... because I feel if I don't know it all then it seems like I am not doing it as I should.... that flipping all or nothing mentality I can't seem to shake... when I should be happy with my growth to date...

for goodness sake when I relate it to something I DO get, like bodybuilding... I would have never expected myself to show up at the gym that first time and slap 135 on a barbell and bench it for 10 reps.... goodness no... I had to start with barely being able to bench the darn empty bar...I had to train myself and work my way UP TO 135 for reps... so WHY... why do I feel I have to know Genesis to Revelations like a biblical scholar, or wait like the author, or I don't feel progression?

How dare I???


alicia said...

I think that one of our mistakes is sitting back and waiting for and saying "ok, wow me God! Show me!" The change comes from us, and it is almost always gradual. You aren't doing anything wrong by not feeling wowed after the simulcast. I think some of us- myself included- need to slowly digest stuff sometimes, take it in, think about it, meditate, and pray on it. And slowly without us realizing, we are changed.

Fireworks are great, but over quickly. The slow burning embers are much longer lasting.
Many blessings to you today!

That corgi :) said...

sounded like a great concert!! and anything with Beth Moore is always to hear to go back and think about her wise words at later times too

this journey to learn more about God and follow him is a life journey and we won't get it all until we die and get perfected. But God's aim is to have us be like Jesus a little more every day, bit by bit, as we allow him to work in our lives. I still struggle with the issue of trust with him and I've been walking more closer with him about 9 years, though this year I'm getting better about it because I'm making an effort to work on it. I remember looking back on my prayer journal one time (a few years back) and I looked at the entry I had made a year ago on that date and I wrote almost the same thing about trust. And I'm like "I'm not making much progress here am I Lord?" But he knows us and loves us and will guide us and lead us if we are willing to go where he takes us. You are doing just fine