First - the concert... ROCKED! words just cannot describe it.....Caleb, Tenth Avenue North and CASTING CROWNS! WOW...
Then Saturday the Beth Moore simulcast... it was WOW too but the wow for me was imagining that all over the US and Canada there were 300,000+ women all watching and listening to the same message at the same time. A message, while about our insecurity, was very much a Godly message as brought by the unique, loving, and humorous style of Beth Moore. I can only pray that my passion for God, someday, is even 1/10th of the passion that woman has and speaks of Him. Of course I know she did not speak with this passion when she first started public speaking, it came with time.
I only wish I could have walked out of there feeling less insecure with myself then I did when I walked in. And truly I am almost ashamed to admit, I am not.
I just long for one of those AH HA moments when you hear or see something that profoundly changes your life... maybe I was expecting too much from this simulcast? I don't know..... not sure what I expected to get from it to be honest.. does not diminish my like of Beth Moore and her bible studies... cause I know it was me and me alone... you get out of anything what you put into it.
In many ways I guess I feel I am still 1/2-waying God in my life and I am not sure WHY I feel like that... well yes, yes I do... because I feel if I don't know it all then it seems like I am not doing it as I should.... that flipping all or nothing mentality I can't seem to shake... when I should be happy with my growth to date...
for goodness sake when I relate it to something I DO get, like bodybuilding... I would have never expected myself to show up at the gym that first time and slap 135 on a barbell and bench it for 10 reps.... goodness no... I had to start with barely being able to bench the darn empty bar...I had to train myself and work my way UP TO 135 for reps... so WHY... why do I feel I have to know Genesis to Revelations like a biblical scholar, or wait like the author, or I don't feel progression?
How dare I???