just when the caterpillar thought that life was over,
it became
a BUTTERFLY!

Monday, July 27, 2009

God Moments/Godwinks

This was a portion of an email I sent to someone regarding a God Moment I had at Church on Sunday the 19th

So today at church was a totally freaky few moments. The youth group just got back from a service mission to West Virginia and a few of the kids at each service were telling of their experience. So this beautiful young blond gal, maybe 15 or 16 gets up to share her experience and she is still emotional from the other story told prior to hers. Her story is so wonderful, I mean how cool is it that these young kids have God in their life now, are serving His purpose and at such a young age. But she pauses for a moment and starts to tear up, saying that prior to this trip she wasn’t ‘feeling’ God, she said lately I’ve not been the best kid, I’ve been moody and angry and nasty to my parents, she went on to say that her grandmother had passed away a couple of months before and it just really hit her hard and she questioned God – questioned her faith – and her exact words were what I put in an email to you LAST NIGHT! She said I didn’t think God could love me if I wasn’t a perfect Christian. I really lost it. I mean don’t you think it strange that the very words I uttered to you at 11pm last night in an email were almost verbatim the words this young girl said today when sharing her story?

I mean really the exact words I uttered to Matt in an email at like 11pm on Saturday night are the same words I hear at church... in same email I go on to say how I've always wanted God just to 'fix' things in my life... I've never asked him for the strength to get thru those things, nope just fix it - so what was sermon on the 19th about... ya you guessed it... asking God for strength and not asking him to 'fix it' because sometimes you need to go thru those things to get you to where you are intended to be..

So onto a new week and now its yesterday the 26th in church... I pick up my friend Robin we go workout and are having this conversation...

ME - Robin did you ever notice in your life when you just 'let go' when you stop feeling this need to control everything how other things just start to fall into place? When you just have faith and let go things start to happen?

Robin - smiling what makes you think YOU ever HAD control?

Me - ok my illusion of control... its how I survived some pretty horrible things as a child and its how I've gotten thru my adult life thus far

Robin - still smiling... Kim God has always been in control that is the reality and yes when you just let Him do His job, things do fall into place, maybe not how you expect but how they are supposed to be.

Me - yeah and it just makes you feel so much more at peace with other things too...

so we finish our workout, shower, hit church.... HELLO can YOU guess what was said in sermon... exactly about letting go of the control you THINK you have and giving it to God - let go, let God - and how when you do, things just start to happen... I swear to you its like God is doing this purposely to really show me something really make me wake up and let me know that what is going on in my life, the feelings for Him I am feeling, the feelings for Matt, the envisioning of a future... are exactly what is supposed to be.. it was almost eerie and Robin and I both looked at each other... i mean gosh we just said the same darn thing in a conversation that morning...

so ok, God moments are supposed to happen in church right? Right! but what about those times your not in church and they happen...

Last night on the phone with Matt and he asked if I've seen or heard of the movie Fireproof - dont even recall how we got on the subject of movies to be quite honest but I said I had heard the name but knew nothing of the movie or what it was about... ok he said when you are here we will watch it together.. but he said there is something I need to get you that goes along with the movie but its a surprise.... OH I love surprises so I made him promise to say no more..

So today at work I thought hhmm wonder what movie is about... so I look it up on the internet... and I almost pissed myself when I read the first line of the trailer...I started to cry because now this is REALLY getting eerie...

The movie is about a firefighter and his wife who's marriage is on the edge of doom, the decide to call it quits but his father asks them to give it 40 days and to take this dare... and gives them a book called THE LOVE DARE....

OK does anyone want to fucking guess what book i picked up in the store about 5 days ago????? yeah, exactly a book titled THE LOVE DARE... it is a real book and its a 40 day journey for couples about .. here is what back cover says

the love dare is a 40 day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong. the love dare is a journey you need to take. its time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage. Take the dare.

I love self help books, love spiritual stuff..so 5ish days ago I'm perusing the book aisle, see this, read the back cover and figure ok so I am not married but the concept/idea of the book intriques me...and I purchase it...

well when I read the trailer of the movie Matt and I spoke of, Fireproof, read about this book in the movie.. yeah... God is working here people I dont give a shit what anyone thinks...

I immediately sent Matt a text, said the surprise you were going to get regarding that movie, if it was a book called THE LOVE DARE... mmmm don't buy the book babe, I have it... I bought it 5 days ago...

so I already decided before charm #3 happened today... I am no longer holding back... no longer will I question God and his path and love for me, no longer will I rage this battle between head and heart I am feeling for Matt, nope done, over, finite...

I am letting go... I am letting God guide me and I know that he has placed Matt with me, and me with him for a reason... and I will enjoy spending the rest of my days figuring out just what that reason is - i have NEVER and I do mean NEVER felt so sure of something in my life....

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

2 comments:

Scott said...

wow good stuff kim!

Michelle said...

Kim,

It is truly amazing when we open our eyes to the ONE that has been there all along.

I can not agree more on the youth of today finding their calling at such a young age, I wish I could have been so lucky to have opened my eyes and seen all the good that God had planned for me, but the book says..He is patient and He waits for you to seek Him, because He has been with you the entire time.

Great testimony Kim.
God Bless