just when the caterpillar thought that life was over,
it became

Friday, August 28, 2009

Butterflies are free to fly... to Jesus

Ya she changed up her blog... AGAIN :o)  besides my fascination with collecting pigs (I know odd right) I also have this 'thing' for butterflies....so when I saw this background I just had to make a change, even though I should be packing and prepping for a little medical thing I gots to do later....it'll all be ok and I'm not scared but I DO wish Matt could be here holding my hand.

But butterflies are just fascinating creatures of God don't you think?  I mean this beautiful creature starts out as this some what less attractive thing called a caterpillar (larve), well ok some caterpillars are rather cool looking, but then again I was all excited when the cicada's came around.. I was mesmorized by them, maybe I should have been an entomologist.  I digress, again... (I must be some what ADHD)

First there is the egg, then the caterpillar, then the chrysalis stage, then emerges the beautiful butterfly....almost in some sense maybe, how an almost 44 yr old learns to come to Jesus.... thankfully my life span (well at least I hope) will be longer than a butterflies life span from beginning to end of about 6-8 wks - not that I am afraid to die.. oh no... because I believe there is a better place awaiting me.. I just don't think I have truly served God's purpose for me here just yet, but ultimately that IS HIS decision.

I guess I make a lot of analogies or comparisions to things because honestly, and I was texting my friend Lorenzo about this yesterday, and Matt and I have discussed it too.. but sometimes I just feel... so lost so behind, so stupid about Godly things.

Now let me digress again in saying I am a perfectionist... I feel like if I can't do something or know something 100%, and yes right from the beginning, then I get angry with myself and in learning to really let go and accept Jesus and learning His word and His purpose for me, I have to cut myself some slack.

Truth is if someone came to me with no knowledge of dieting or weight lifting I would never berate them about their lack of knowledge about said topic as I do myself about things I don't know, rather I would gently guide them, offer them support, give of them what ever knowledge I've gained in my journey in this fitness life, and then hopefully watch them one day soar to new areas in their own life.  I guess the best teacher, mentor, or trainer knows that eventually the student will leave you and if you are a good teacher, trainer, or mentor you are excited when that happens for it means YOU have done your job.

So even though next week I turn 44... my knowledge of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is like that of a child on his first day in school learning new concepts... so like said child with things they find interesting and want to know more about they start seeking knowledge where they can.  Obviously the first place for me to seek knowledge of God is of course the Bible... but then I find myself spinning with knowledge overload.. and yes I bring it on myself and then of course get frustrated with self again because I'm not absorbing it all at once.  And it becomes this darn vicious cycle.

So you maybe asking.. how does this relate to a butterfly??? Well let me tell ya, or at least how I see it...

The Four Stages

Egg (the germ of a new life) - the seed is planted, I feel this need to finally once and for all let God truly into my life no turning back this time, no half-waying it this time, no making excuses for it this time.

Caterpillar (a time of growth) - at this stage I am reading my Bible, reading and journaling about The Purpose Driven Live, Reading blogs of other believers, subscribing to lots of devotional material, etc.

Chrysalis Stage (a time of change) - Being saved and considering being re-baptized (probably to the horror of my mother but oh well I'm a big girl now)

Butterfly (a time of fruitation/rebirth) - emerging as a completely and totally new and beautiful creature of God, not perfect but perfectly imperfect in His eyes, soaring off into the world to teach others about him, live His purpose for me, be the wife and mother He intended for me to be as He has written....

So there ya have it my analogy on how butterflies are like a journey to God... hey we are all entitled to our own opinions right??

and I still think butterflies are really and truly fascinating creatures...

1 comment:

Erin said...

The crystal butterfly you gave me is still danging from my rearview mirror and it reminds me everyday of the reason you gave it to me. Thank you my friend.