I've been away from my journal here for a few days... just stuff going on, things rattling around in my head...
and the other night I had a dream, well more like a nightmare that I just can't get out of my head. Gosh I am 44 and I think at this stage dreams/nightmares should not distract me like this but this one has...
I can recall being a kid and having a bad dream about snakes (and I like snakes they do not bother me at all) but I'd have this dream about thousands of snakes all around me... I'd wake up scared to death to move for fear there were snakes on my floor...again I always found this odd because I am not afraid of snakes... I mean do I want thousands of them crawling on me... NO... but I used to babysit for a couple that were snake lovers and I'd take out their huge boa and hold him... I will pick up a gartner snake... but man when I'd have this dream I was paralyzed with fear and would just lay perfectly still in my bed.
Sunday night (and yes here it is Wed and this is still bothering me) but Sunday night I had a dream I was dying and in my dream I was fighting dying because I was not sure (in my dream) if I was going to heaven or hell.
So if you can recall the movie Ghost (RIP Patrick Swayze) and the sound effects when one of the bad ones died and that sound effect of them coming out of their body and the black ghosts coming to take their soul.... that was happening in my dream... but in my dream I could stop the process and go back, but it was at that moment that I woke up... and I woke up scared to death, shaking, sweating and apparently so much so I woke up Matt... I didn't want to keep him awake so I didn't talk about it only said I had a bad dream... I tried to snuggle in the comfort of his arms but as soon as I started to drift off and get to dream sleep... that same spot in my nightmare where I am dying and trying to fight it came back to me - needless to say.. I didn't sleep well AT ALL! and this darn subconscious event is still weighing on my mind 3 days later...
I don't know what any of this means... but I do know that somehow in some fashion dreams are a glimpse of our waking lives in our subconscious minds... so do I think I am going to hell if I die today??? do I think a friend in my life might be going to hell if they died today??? could this nightmare have stemmed from some of my reading in Genesis??? or some discussion Matt and I had??? could it be I feel I am failing (dying) at trying to be a step mom to Trevor??? is there a part of my waking life I feel is dying because of my new life and the changes???
OR.... does any of this really mean anything???
and I won't even discuss my dreams of last night... while definitely more pleasant... they were not PG and where the heck did that come from????
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6 comments:
Sorry for your bad dream. I know some people really analyze their dreams for every little meaning. I find the ones that are highly emotional, like yours was, are from God... Him trying to get my attention on something. Pray and ask Him what the dream was meant to show you or teach you. It may be for you, or like you said for someone else that you need to pray for. Hugs today :O)
There have been dreams of mine lately that have tortured me..I try to let them go, sometimes I'm afraid of going to sleep as they will come back. So all I can say is that I sympathize with you and I wish I knew hot to get rid of them..I really wish I was one of those people that always forget their dreams!
Hi Kim
I studied Psychology for a bit so let me give it a try. But not before telling you that you are the expert of your own dreams. The symbols and metaphors your mind produces are the associations you yourself have made with certain states of being / feelings / life situations.
Anyway: what I am sensing is a feeling of guilt and /or inadequacy.
It seems like you are afraid of not measuring up to your ambitions and that you fear grave punishment.
Actually, I have sensed that in some of your posts recently. I think it has something to do with who you'd like to be and who you perceive your true self really is and there seems to be a discrepancy there. It only exists in your mind, so this doesn't mean that you are a "bad" Christian by definition and that you've figured yourself out in your dream - it only means that your ideal image of a "good" Christian and the person you feel you really are not entirely congruent so you are struggling to incorporate the qualities of your personality that you think don't match up with the ideals you have.
I think it would be interesting (and very healing) to examine where that guilt comes from, if there is a true reason to feel that guilt and fear of punishment and to seek out forgiveness for whatever you discover. Forgiveness from yourself and the divine.
I hate dreams that wake me...I don't worry to much about them other than they disrupt my sleep. I usually begin to pray when I am awakened by a dream. I feel like that is the Lord nudging me to spend a little more time with Him.
Dreams are an interesting mix of both the literal and the subconscious. I find that when mine are most unsettling are the times in life when I'm either really "on to" something with God and when I'm filling my mind with junk that needs to be fed with the light and truth of Jesus.
I try and read my Bible and pray before hitting the pillow at night; I often go to sleep immersing myself in some Biblical story, thinking about God and how it all might have "gone" should I have been there.
I've had some very vivid middle-of-the-night awakenings as of late, and I never consider them insignificant. I don't dwell on them, but I do think we're working some stuff out with our dreams... perhaps some things we don't allow ourselves to think about while awake.
Thanks for visiting me today. You are a beautiful woman with an incredible body! I wish I had half the will and stamina to work toward that end.
Be blessed this day and in your weekend. Sweet dreams!
peace~elaine
Hello Kim. God is the intepreter of dreams and can show you what this one is about. He knows your frame and he knows where all the peices of the puzzle goes re yourself or perhaps the person that God wants to reach through you. Pray as Diane said and ask for confirmation re what he requires re this dream.
Praying for you.
God Bless and take care.
Cheryl :)
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