a Fork in the road....

while I am still a bit torn with my decision, I am feeling a sense of peace that I have not felt in many weeks. Is that a sign I don't know.

Since returning from Florida I spend each morning I wake reading my next chapter in The Purpose Driven Life... sometimes I think about what I read all day before actually writing in my journal and sharing it with Matt..

Since returning from Florida I spend every lunch break reading something spiritual, be it some of the devotional stuff sent to my in box, be it the Bible, be it another blogger on the net walking a similar path...

And since returning from Florida I spend each night re-reading that same chapter in The Purpose Driven Life and if I have not already, I then write about that days purpose question in the journal... then I take some time to read in the bible the scriptures quoted in that chapter...

i guess the long/short of it and reason I seem to be babbling on... is once I said out loud to myself and well God that my heart was not in this competition and I didn't feel I was doing it for the right reasons (or somewhere those reasons changed since I began this journey in November) and I asked God for his forgiveness for any compromises I've made to Him or myself along the way, and asked for Him to bring me peace with this decision and to not look upon me as a quitter...

when I said it out loud... I did feel a sense of calm wash over me.... I know in the days/weeks ahead I will still question what I did the decision I made..

I think anytime your faced with a fork in the road and compelled to go right, even if it is God's will that we GO right, I think as fail-able humans we will always wonder about 'what IF we had gone left' and a part of me thinks God knows this and is ok with this as long as we embrace the decision we did make.

I will compete again, it just won't be Sept 5th and that is ok.