Great session with Rich last night... it was a tough one, I cried, cussed, he asked me how long I was going to let myself go backwards and possibly F up (yes his words) the good thing in my life because I choose to let my inner little girl feel unworthy of Matt's love. 

I know where it stems from... Amanda and I spoke about this... I've always pushed people away as they got close, put up that wall, felt unworthy of anyone's love... why... because if your mother couldn't love you, if your mother hated you, called you a dumb mother F'n kid, made you the cause of all her issues, told you how unwanted you were, made you feel that way by sending you away all the time... yeah can definitely tend to make you feel unworthy... and I know I've been doing better about it but with all else that is going on, that little girl inside has been taking over again... and we know what happens when we let our child rule us..

anxiety, stress, saddness, feeling lost, out of sorts... because a child does not know how to handle adult issues...

it was one of those therapy sessions where I walk out of there hating him, wanting to never go back, but I know he has only told me what I need to hear - the truth always hurts...