just when the caterpillar thought that life was over,
it became

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Christmas…. Where do I begin? Well bear (or is it bare) with me a moment if you would.

I don’t heart Christmas.

Now before you begin hating me or removing yourself as a follower... please know I love, love LOVE my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! I am craving to know Him more and know Him intimately (some of you get you minds BACK where they belong)…
What I mean is I hate what December 25th has come to mean, to Christians and non-Christians alike… we feel this need, for whatever reason, to make this day about all it is not. Good gosh I’d bet my life if the wise men had ANY clue what bringing gifts to the baby Jesus would mean, and how it would have come to this, what we’ve made it, I believe they would have had 2nd thoughts. We feel this need to go into debt we may never be able to repay, we don’t teach our children what this day is really all about, we buy gifts for those we don’t really even care for and then we are concerned… will they like it?

Let’s be realistic... first… if you really, REALLY think about it... our Messiah was not born on December 25th… if shepards were in fields tending to flock, it was more likely that baby Jesus was born.. oh October, November-ish??? So we, as Christians have pegged this day, 12/25, for some reason, as his birth... not a history buff but I know it’s something to do with some Roman celebration around this time…

While I got some awesome gifts for Christmas… I CAN honestly say… if I got NOTHING I would have been perfectly fine... because for me that day is not about gifts... I’ve gotten the greatest gift I could have ever been given and I got that gift long before I was born even, heck, long before I was ever even a thought in my parents mind.. long before THEY were even born. God, came to earth, as a human, lived, walked and breathed, as we do, to show us there is a way…. And then, knowing what would happen the entire time... He still walked the walk He was supposed to and eventually died for our sins…I can think of no gift I’ve ever rec’d past or present that comes close to even comparing to THAT gift…

So many times, specially recently, I wish my mother had been a more religious woman... but since I see black, white and shades of gray, maybe the fact she wasn’t and didn’t teach us that, is what makes me so passionate about it now???? Dunno??? Also, at times, makes me feel at 44, inadequate for what I don’t know... but there I go again talking in circles… those ‘shades of gray’ I guess….

See as a kid, since we didn’t know Jesus and why we celebrate this time of year… I only knew PRESENTS… so when we were poor and I mean dirt poor and there were times we, as kids, didn’t get presents, it became a very depressing and sad time for us as kids… remember we had NO CLUE what this day was REALLY all about…we were a welfare family… and while that in and of itself is not a bad thing, we as kids also had no self esteem or respect, so being welfare kids was embarrassing to the core… Many times w/o the welfare office and donations, we would have gotten nothing and again since we did not know Jesus, well…you can figure it out…

Hence my dislike for this time of year... it really holds no special memories, sans a few here and there when my step dad was in my life… it has always been a sad time… but as adults we can change that can’t we??? I try and many times I fall short… when you tell people you don’t like this time of year they look at you cross-eyed and like your some sort of freak… but they don’t understand that this time of year for me holds no fond memories… eh… maybe… someday.. it will.

I will always be able to remember and rejoice in the fact I was baptized 12/24/09 and that is joy no one can take from me.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

Beautifully written!! Totally makes sense to my why you feel the way you do.

He is the greatest gift!!