Of people who claim to be friends, yet have no fucking idea HOW to be a friend.
It doesn't take much you know.. a kind word, a random phone call, a text out of the blue, a quick email, maybe a cute .99 cent fucking card you saw while perusing the drug store for something else... i dunno...
I am so sick and tired of friendships or so called friendships or people that say they are your friend, yet really don't do much to show it.
It hurts more than anything... I mean deep down to the core, dig my heart out with a knife and no pain numbing drugs, kind of hurt.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Living Dead Girl!
Yes that is exactly how I felt with today’s workout…
I’m sure a lot of it was the less than 12 hrs between a good back workout and today’s shoulder workout…
Since I didn’t get up at my usual 3:30 am to get to the gym at 4am on Thursday, it meant going to the gym after work… so I was doing back and cardio from 5-7pm on Thursday…
Today, even though I didn’t get to bed till about 10pm Thursday night, I still got up at 3:30 and was at the gym by 4am for shoulders and cardio. I didn’t feel TOO sleepy or tired but I guess I was cause normally working shoulders is my favorite part to work and I was JUST NOT INTO IT.
The weights felt heavy… and when I was just about ready to be pissed about it all (like having to lighten up the poundage on side lat raises) it dawned on me that I really had not had much recovery time between the two workouts…
so…
imagine this…
I cut myself some slack! Not in the sense of I blew off any of the sets or reps, but I allowed myself to lighten the poundage if I needed to…
Seated Military Press
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 70
1/10 @ 70
1/8 @ 70
Cable Side Raise
1/15 @ 10 x 3 sets
DB Side Lateral Raise
1/12 @ 20
1/12 @ 20
1/15 @ 15
Bent Over DB Raises
1/12 @ 20 x 3 sets
Front Raises
1/10 @ 20
1/10 @ 25 (plate)
1/15 @ 20
Finished up with 60 minutes on the stepmill 4.3 miles/211 floors climbed, went by pretty quick I was reading a good story written by my therapist (more on this later).
I’m sure a lot of it was the less than 12 hrs between a good back workout and today’s shoulder workout…
Since I didn’t get up at my usual 3:30 am to get to the gym at 4am on Thursday, it meant going to the gym after work… so I was doing back and cardio from 5-7pm on Thursday…
Today, even though I didn’t get to bed till about 10pm Thursday night, I still got up at 3:30 and was at the gym by 4am for shoulders and cardio. I didn’t feel TOO sleepy or tired but I guess I was cause normally working shoulders is my favorite part to work and I was JUST NOT INTO IT.
The weights felt heavy… and when I was just about ready to be pissed about it all (like having to lighten up the poundage on side lat raises) it dawned on me that I really had not had much recovery time between the two workouts…
so…
imagine this…
I cut myself some slack! Not in the sense of I blew off any of the sets or reps, but I allowed myself to lighten the poundage if I needed to…
Seated Military Press
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 70
1/10 @ 70
1/8 @ 70
Cable Side Raise
1/15 @ 10 x 3 sets
DB Side Lateral Raise
1/12 @ 20
1/12 @ 20
1/15 @ 15
Bent Over DB Raises
1/12 @ 20 x 3 sets
Front Raises
1/10 @ 20
1/10 @ 25 (plate)
1/15 @ 20
Finished up with 60 minutes on the stepmill 4.3 miles/211 floors climbed, went by pretty quick I was reading a good story written by my therapist (more on this later).
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday, May 7, Back Day
Wide Grip Lat Pulldown
1/12 @ 100
1/12 @ 120
1/10 @ 130 <--- do believe this IS a PR (but 11 and 12 were not coming to chest)
drop to 120 and managed to squeeze out 3 more
Dead Lift
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/3 @ 205
Old School TBar Rows
1/10 @ 80
1/10 @ 90
1/10 @ 90
1/8 @ 100
UH CG Pulldowns
1/12 @ 120
1/12 @ 120
1/12 @ 120
1 Arm DB Rows
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 55
1/10 @ 60 <--- another PR and heavier is possible IF I can get rid of this pain in my elbow
1/12 @ 100
1/12 @ 120
1/10 @ 130 <--- do believe this IS a PR (but 11 and 12 were not coming to chest)
drop to 120 and managed to squeeze out 3 more
Dead Lift
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/3 @ 205
Old School TBar Rows
1/10 @ 80
1/10 @ 90
1/10 @ 90
1/8 @ 100
UH CG Pulldowns
1/12 @ 120
1/12 @ 120
1/12 @ 120
1 Arm DB Rows
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 55
1/10 @ 60 <--- another PR and heavier is possible IF I can get rid of this pain in my elbow
Oh so tired...
had a GREAT great, very thought provoking session with Rich.. one of those sessions you wish was longer than an hour cause you had so much more to say...but by the time I got home, it was to late for Ambien to help me sleep, I was going over a lot in my head that we discussed... and... well... it was a restless night.
so needless to say at 3:30a.m. there was no way I was getting to the gym.. so I have switched Chiro appt to tomorrow at 4:15 and I will hit the gym right after work tonight for back and cardio.
a bit on edge right now.. a friend took himself to the ER having some heart racing issues... I'm waiting for his update phone call after he has gotten thru ER BS...I hate the wait damn it.
so needless to say at 3:30a.m. there was no way I was getting to the gym.. so I have switched Chiro appt to tomorrow at 4:15 and I will hit the gym right after work tonight for back and cardio.
a bit on edge right now.. a friend took himself to the ER having some heart racing issues... I'm waiting for his update phone call after he has gotten thru ER BS...I hate the wait damn it.
Quote of the Day - May 7, 2009
Only those who risk going too far will ever know how far they can go!!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I don't get it
Ok we have a lady at work that went out on sick leave...mmmm maybe 3 or 4ish weeks ago... was having chest pains, went to hopsital thinking it was gallbladder, turns out it was a blockage...
so they kept her and put stints in her heart... we took up collect and signed card at work, gave her a fruit basket... so she now comes back to work for part of the day I believe..and her way of saying thanks to everyone....
SHE BRINGS FREAKING DONUTS AND BAGELS???? I mean WTF!!!!!
don't get me wrong I get the jester... she just wanted to say thank you for thinking of me... but DONUTS????? BAGELS????
And people want to laugh at me for eating ground turkey breast and green beans at 9am... well at least if I have heart issues it won't be because I am obese and eating donuts for gosh sake...
so they kept her and put stints in her heart... we took up collect and signed card at work, gave her a fruit basket... so she now comes back to work for part of the day I believe..and her way of saying thanks to everyone....
SHE BRINGS FREAKING DONUTS AND BAGELS???? I mean WTF!!!!!
don't get me wrong I get the jester... she just wanted to say thank you for thinking of me... but DONUTS????? BAGELS????
And people want to laugh at me for eating ground turkey breast and green beans at 9am... well at least if I have heart issues it won't be because I am obese and eating donuts for gosh sake...
Quote of the Day May 6, 2009
Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose
Ho Hum Cardio
Feeling a smidge achy today so I decided to make today a cardio only day...Still got up at my normal 3:30am was at the gym by 4am...
30 minutes on the step mill
30 minutes on the bike
30 minutes on the elliptical
tonight is an appointment with Rich.. its been 3 weeks and I've got a lot to talk about. somedays you wish your appt hour would hurray and get over, just nothing to say, but this session I know I'm going to wish we had hour and half or two...
30 minutes on the step mill
30 minutes on the bike
30 minutes on the elliptical
tonight is an appointment with Rich.. its been 3 weeks and I've got a lot to talk about. somedays you wish your appt hour would hurray and get over, just nothing to say, but this session I know I'm going to wish we had hour and half or two...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Chest Day and Cinco de Mayo
Flat BB Bench
1/8 @ 115
1/8 @ 125
1/6 @ 135 but they were clean and mean and well that last one hurt so good. Spot could have gotten me 2 more...
Incline BB Bench
1/8 @ 95
1/8 @ 100
1/8 @ 100
Incline DB Press
1/10 @ 45
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 50 spot could have used the 55's just hard to get in place
Cable Cross
1/12 @ 30 x 3 sets another 10 lbs off my frame and this is gonna be one striated chest.
Dips (unassisted Bodyweight only)
1/12 @ ME x 3 sets
Cardio on stepmill for 45 3.25miles/157 floors, more cardio outside at lunchtime...
Tomorrow is back day..... DEADLIFTS baby!!!!
1/8 @ 115
1/8 @ 125
1/6 @ 135 but they were clean and mean and well that last one hurt so good. Spot could have gotten me 2 more...
Incline BB Bench
1/8 @ 95
1/8 @ 100
1/8 @ 100
Incline DB Press
1/10 @ 45
1/10 @ 50
1/10 @ 50 spot could have used the 55's just hard to get in place
Cable Cross
1/12 @ 30 x 3 sets another 10 lbs off my frame and this is gonna be one striated chest.
Dips (unassisted Bodyweight only)
1/12 @ ME x 3 sets
Cardio on stepmill for 45 3.25miles/157 floors, more cardio outside at lunchtime...
Tomorrow is back day..... DEADLIFTS baby!!!!
this is way cool!!!
I have been asked to link my blog to Wellsphere... one of the Chief Info officers there, read my blog and contacted me via email..
Likes the content and such and with over 10million readers they have asked me to blog there/link my blog... Kinda cool if ya ask me...
never thought of myself as a writer.. hell I really DON'T like to write... i just spew out what is in my head and my workouts. but hey if it can help even one person, then so be it!
I'm excited!
Likes the content and such and with over 10million readers they have asked me to blog there/link my blog... Kinda cool if ya ask me...
never thought of myself as a writer.. hell I really DON'T like to write... i just spew out what is in my head and my workouts. but hey if it can help even one person, then so be it!
I'm excited!
Quote of the Day - Tuesday, May 5, 2009
When you reach the top, keep climbing, the best view is from the top!
Monday, May 4, 2009
The old reincarnated again?
as I said this blog is nothing more than a personal journal for me.. I think about it and write to document it.. hoping for some insightful comings together at some point..
so in trying to come to grips with my funk.. I realized why I kind of missed Rob so much... and its his way of pushing me in the gym. Let me explain a bit....
when I was 215 pounds and entered a transformation contest at leanness lifestyle, I had to find a trainer that could do body fat testing with calipers... well... I called many gyms in my east coast area, no one could do caliper test... but just about when I was gonna give up... I called one more gym and got Mike Farmer who was able to do a caliper test...
so we set up a time, met up and well the rest is history. He was interested in what I was doing, and I would need him at least 2 more times over the course of this on line contest. By the 2nd testing 4ish weeks in... we chatted about some personal training and this was the start of the best two year realtionship in my life...
Mike had this style about him that made him great. He didn't blow sunshine up your ass, well unless you deserved it for hard work, but he was so encouraging. at that time I was the only women in free weight section of the gym.. I was fat, felt ugly and awkward and out of place but I was welcomed as 'one of the boys' -
as anal retentive as it sounds... I have every single post it note w/dates of the caliper test he took of me.
Under his guidance.. I went for 39% BF to 12% BF and I looked and felt wonderful when I was there. He pushed and he pushed me hard. RARELY did he ever ask me what weight I wanted on the squat bar, or deadlift bar, or on the belt around my waist for weighted pullups, he just set it up and with his spot I was confident I could do it.. so many PR's under his guidance and a love of how my phsyique was growing and changing... When I left the east coast, we had been together two years and it was VERY hard for me to leave such a great trainer and friend.
So in thinking what it is the other day about why I have so much fun when I am in the gym with Rob.. it like slapped me in the face... he is a lot like Mike. He pushes me to points and beyond that I swear are not possible. He is so sharing of his style of training and why he does this or that and explains it all to me with such great care and patience.
I know some get annoyed to have to explain something, they just want you to do and not question.... MM MM no I question not because I don't trust but because if I understand the method of A to Z, then when you have me doing part L it makes more sense to me - give me the whole picture, let me ask questions, if it makes sense I get to work.
NO idea what will come of any of this but at the very least I have a friend that pushes my limits in the gym and I love that a lot!
so in trying to come to grips with my funk.. I realized why I kind of missed Rob so much... and its his way of pushing me in the gym. Let me explain a bit....
when I was 215 pounds and entered a transformation contest at leanness lifestyle, I had to find a trainer that could do body fat testing with calipers... well... I called many gyms in my east coast area, no one could do caliper test... but just about when I was gonna give up... I called one more gym and got Mike Farmer who was able to do a caliper test...
so we set up a time, met up and well the rest is history. He was interested in what I was doing, and I would need him at least 2 more times over the course of this on line contest. By the 2nd testing 4ish weeks in... we chatted about some personal training and this was the start of the best two year realtionship in my life...
Mike had this style about him that made him great. He didn't blow sunshine up your ass, well unless you deserved it for hard work, but he was so encouraging. at that time I was the only women in free weight section of the gym.. I was fat, felt ugly and awkward and out of place but I was welcomed as 'one of the boys' -
as anal retentive as it sounds... I have every single post it note w/dates of the caliper test he took of me.
Under his guidance.. I went for 39% BF to 12% BF and I looked and felt wonderful when I was there. He pushed and he pushed me hard. RARELY did he ever ask me what weight I wanted on the squat bar, or deadlift bar, or on the belt around my waist for weighted pullups, he just set it up and with his spot I was confident I could do it.. so many PR's under his guidance and a love of how my phsyique was growing and changing... When I left the east coast, we had been together two years and it was VERY hard for me to leave such a great trainer and friend.
So in thinking what it is the other day about why I have so much fun when I am in the gym with Rob.. it like slapped me in the face... he is a lot like Mike. He pushes me to points and beyond that I swear are not possible. He is so sharing of his style of training and why he does this or that and explains it all to me with such great care and patience.
I know some get annoyed to have to explain something, they just want you to do and not question.... MM MM no I question not because I don't trust but because if I understand the method of A to Z, then when you have me doing part L it makes more sense to me - give me the whole picture, let me ask questions, if it makes sense I get to work.
NO idea what will come of any of this but at the very least I have a friend that pushes my limits in the gym and I love that a lot!
Sunshine and Rainbows...
Something a friend said to me on a board I belong to. Wasn't sure what he meant so I asked... He responded by saying "its about how hard can you get hit and keep moving forward"....
I've been having a very tough time since I returned for Florida.
First the weather, till the last couple of days, has SUCKED big donkey balls, rainy, overcast, blah blah blah blah blah (thankfully the sun has been out last day or two).
Second, I got ballsy and asked said friend if I was wasting my time. At first I took the response totally personal when he mentioned he is not ready for more than friends right now.
Having been totally hurt in a previous relationship its understandable why he feels the way he does. It is sad that he allows the ex to control his feelings now, it is sad that he isn't allowing himself to move on, but all understandable.... I guess. but you have to move on, forget and forgive... it is the budda way... truth is by holding grudges, by not moving on, you are not hurting the person you have the issue with, hell they have moved on and long forgotten... you are only hurting yourself.. period!
the other reality is... I have no clue WHY I even want more to be really very truly and completely honest with myself....I don't have an answer and that should be a clue to myself ya know... maybe because I just THINK that's how its supposed to be... but I'm over taking it personal... I care a lot about this person as a person and as a friend and I am NOT willing to lose the friendship by being stupid and pushy and taking an issue he has as personal...
I am a tried and true loyal friend.. I will do anything be there for anybody, but don't fuck me over, don't lie to me, don't hurt me and you will never find a more tried and true friend then me.
maybe.... it is me and not that this person isn't ready for more than friends, but maybe its not.. I can only take what he says as his being honest... if he is bullshitting me, oh well. But if it is a lie I will say I don't do well with liars...
but my philosophy is until I have reason to doubt you... I have NO reason to doubt you.
Third.... I am just ready to move... NOW... and get on with my new chapter in life. I will start dating again when I get there.. no since in doing that now, don't need to subject someone who won't be in my life come late sept to contest prep.
Fourth... I am really sick to death of being alone... and by being alone I don't mean a mate in my life as such... I mean just friends in general... My fucking life is message boards.. I get up I train, I come home, shower, I go to work, I go home, I go to gym again, I get on line...WOO HOO what a fun flipping life... it really gets old not to have a friend to hit a movie with, or just to sit and watch TV with sometimes, or go for coffee, or the zoo, or just to chat with... I guess I'm just lonely...
So back to sunshine and rainbows... of late I feel like I have been hit pretty hard but it is not in my nature to just lay down and give up... oh the getting up maybe slow but I always get back up.. I am not a quitter in any sense of the word, I may have days I don't want to go on, but I do, I always do.
I've been having a very tough time since I returned for Florida.
First the weather, till the last couple of days, has SUCKED big donkey balls, rainy, overcast, blah blah blah blah blah (thankfully the sun has been out last day or two).
Second, I got ballsy and asked said friend if I was wasting my time. At first I took the response totally personal when he mentioned he is not ready for more than friends right now.
Having been totally hurt in a previous relationship its understandable why he feels the way he does. It is sad that he allows the ex to control his feelings now, it is sad that he isn't allowing himself to move on, but all understandable.... I guess. but you have to move on, forget and forgive... it is the budda way... truth is by holding grudges, by not moving on, you are not hurting the person you have the issue with, hell they have moved on and long forgotten... you are only hurting yourself.. period!
the other reality is... I have no clue WHY I even want more to be really very truly and completely honest with myself....I don't have an answer and that should be a clue to myself ya know... maybe because I just THINK that's how its supposed to be... but I'm over taking it personal... I care a lot about this person as a person and as a friend and I am NOT willing to lose the friendship by being stupid and pushy and taking an issue he has as personal...
I am a tried and true loyal friend.. I will do anything be there for anybody, but don't fuck me over, don't lie to me, don't hurt me and you will never find a more tried and true friend then me.
maybe.... it is me and not that this person isn't ready for more than friends, but maybe its not.. I can only take what he says as his being honest... if he is bullshitting me, oh well. But if it is a lie I will say I don't do well with liars...
but my philosophy is until I have reason to doubt you... I have NO reason to doubt you.
Third.... I am just ready to move... NOW... and get on with my new chapter in life. I will start dating again when I get there.. no since in doing that now, don't need to subject someone who won't be in my life come late sept to contest prep.
Fourth... I am really sick to death of being alone... and by being alone I don't mean a mate in my life as such... I mean just friends in general... My fucking life is message boards.. I get up I train, I come home, shower, I go to work, I go home, I go to gym again, I get on line...WOO HOO what a fun flipping life... it really gets old not to have a friend to hit a movie with, or just to sit and watch TV with sometimes, or go for coffee, or the zoo, or just to chat with... I guess I'm just lonely...
So back to sunshine and rainbows... of late I feel like I have been hit pretty hard but it is not in my nature to just lay down and give up... oh the getting up maybe slow but I always get back up.. I am not a quitter in any sense of the word, I may have days I don't want to go on, but I do, I always do.
Leg Day - hurts so good...
yeah right at least that is what I try and convince myself of... I hate leg day but I also know it is my weak area in terms of physique, so no rest for the weak...
Free Motion Hack Squat
1/12 @ 200
1/12 @ 220
1/12 @ 220
Leg Extensions (legs close w/feet neutral for 5, toes in for 5, heels in for 5, legs wide w/feet neutral for 5)
1/20 @ 70
1/20 @ 70
1/20 @ 70
Squats
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
Stiff Leg Dead Lifts (SLDL)
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185 <----- I do believe this weight is a PR for me
Lying Hamstring Curls
1/12 @ 80
1/12 @ 80
1/12 @ 80
30 min elliptical, alternating between level 5, ramp 5 and level 10 ramp 10... 3 miles total. Cardio is ramped up to 70 min a day now so I took a nice brisk walk at lunchtime to get in the rest of my time.
Squats should have been first but there is one squat rack at Xsport and some butthead was doing barbell shrugs in it. I mean come on that shit really pisses me off, like he could not have used a flat bench and still served his purpose. a bit harder for me to use a flat bench to do squats ya know...
Can go heavier on the leg extentions but when doing 20 reps its a bit more difficult to do 100+. not to mention going a tad lighter always me to really focus on the movement.
Straps had to come out for the SLDL's... did the first set without them but it was way to taxing on this pain I have in my right elbow.
And its sad that a gal that does payroll for a living.. mmmm at 4am can't add. I realized I've been shorting myself on the weight on the bar. I will say in my defense, my adding brain does not work well at 4am ya know...I had the 45 lb bar and a 45 pound plate on each side when doing squats and somehow wrote that down as 115...hello that's 135.. had to add up a couple times to make sure I had down the right poundage for SLDL's...
I should have tossed in some walking lunges but, I didn't...not on the plan...
I was feeling kinda icky the entire workout and had to swallow hard a few times to keep from puking... not sure what it is/was but I feel better now... well sleepy but better tummy wise.
Free Motion Hack Squat
1/12 @ 200
1/12 @ 220
1/12 @ 220
Leg Extensions (legs close w/feet neutral for 5, toes in for 5, heels in for 5, legs wide w/feet neutral for 5)
1/20 @ 70
1/20 @ 70
1/20 @ 70
Squats
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
1/12 @ 135
Stiff Leg Dead Lifts (SLDL)
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185
1/8 @ 185 <----- I do believe this weight is a PR for me
Lying Hamstring Curls
1/12 @ 80
1/12 @ 80
1/12 @ 80
30 min elliptical, alternating between level 5, ramp 5 and level 10 ramp 10... 3 miles total. Cardio is ramped up to 70 min a day now so I took a nice brisk walk at lunchtime to get in the rest of my time.
Squats should have been first but there is one squat rack at Xsport and some butthead was doing barbell shrugs in it. I mean come on that shit really pisses me off, like he could not have used a flat bench and still served his purpose. a bit harder for me to use a flat bench to do squats ya know...
Can go heavier on the leg extentions but when doing 20 reps its a bit more difficult to do 100+. not to mention going a tad lighter always me to really focus on the movement.
Straps had to come out for the SLDL's... did the first set without them but it was way to taxing on this pain I have in my right elbow.
And its sad that a gal that does payroll for a living.. mmmm at 4am can't add. I realized I've been shorting myself on the weight on the bar. I will say in my defense, my adding brain does not work well at 4am ya know...I had the 45 lb bar and a 45 pound plate on each side when doing squats and somehow wrote that down as 115...hello that's 135.. had to add up a couple times to make sure I had down the right poundage for SLDL's...
I should have tossed in some walking lunges but, I didn't...not on the plan...
I was feeling kinda icky the entire workout and had to swallow hard a few times to keep from puking... not sure what it is/was but I feel better now... well sleepy but better tummy wise.
Bodybuilding show from Saturday
Listen I am NOT a conceited person... I am the first to downplay myself... but WOW there was not a lot of good competition in the female BBing at this show. I think, sans the fact I am pale and pasty white, I could have put on the posing suit, gotten up there and taken a trophy home, easily..
and if I'd incorporated 'hell week' (that last week before show) yeah it would have been easy to place...
Reality is I want competition - I want to know when I WIN! its because I WAS in the best condition. I am not sure I could even compete if there were no other's in my weight class - that would be like winning by default and that isn't how I want to win, cause no one else showed up ya know...
didn't get a lot of great pics cause I was so far back, but you can check out some of the video at www.pradelproductions.com and pics should be up soon at Hub Sports Photography too...
and if I'd incorporated 'hell week' (that last week before show) yeah it would have been easy to place...
Reality is I want competition - I want to know when I WIN! its because I WAS in the best condition. I am not sure I could even compete if there were no other's in my weight class - that would be like winning by default and that isn't how I want to win, cause no one else showed up ya know...
didn't get a lot of great pics cause I was so far back, but you can check out some of the video at www.pradelproductions.com and pics should be up soon at Hub Sports Photography too...
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